stand with Israel?
"The nation of Israel lives... forever."
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Friday, November 23, 2012
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Factor in the change
Life is about change... sometimes good, sometimes bad. It is how we handle that change that makes us winners or losers.
I was over on AD's blog and read that he and Babs had ended their relationship but are still friends, a change handled with respect and love so it seems.
Quite a few of my other blog roll friends have changed as well, some like Scully moved their blogs to invitation only, some shutting down everything, others like KatieB moving to a new town and a new career, from Moondancer and myself we wish you and B all the best, you will always have a place to stay and a place in our hearts.
Change can also be handled with communication... something I have to sharpen up on again and blogging was one of the ways I could articulate my thoughts and sort out the things that were bugging me, not that much is bugging me at present... but I think I need to start practicing again... As Autumn leaves bodes the onset of winter I will probably have more time as very cold days are not always pleasant to go riding on a bike, time and conditions will tell. I usually start suffering from bikelessness within 24 hours! I do have thermal wear...
Once again my music matches the subject by echoing the theme in the words from;
Anastacia - Seasons Change (Concert Vid)
Cradle the weight of your life
You can survive
What lies before you
It's only a matter of time
Before the night
Turns into day
Oh, it should feel incredible, whoa..
To know you're not alone, uh
Just look in my eyes (just look in my eyes) whoa.. just look in my eyes
[Chorus:]
I said..
Happy turns to sad
Sometimes life gets bad
Things get rearranged
Nothing stays the same
It just never ends
Here we go again
One thing
Still remains, uh
Seasons seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
Are you scared of today?
Running away
I can see through you
Whoaoah..
It feels like an eternal haze
But it's only a faze
It's all in your mind
Oh, when you feel invisible, uh
Just know you're not alone
(c'mon, c'mon)
Just look in my eyes
(look in my eyes, huh, look in my eyes)
Just look in my eyes
Just look in my eyes
[Chorus:]
You can feel the air start to change
When you're walkin' out in the rain
And the colors inside your brain start fading
Til the winter is washed away
And nothing really feels the same
When sunlight's in your eyes
You feel alive
What I really want..
What I really want..
What I really want..
What I really want..
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah!
[Chorus:]
[Chorus:]
C'mon, c'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon, c'mon yeah seasons change
[Chorus:]
So as I go to get my warm top ponder this...
"There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."
Billy Connolly
I was over on AD's blog and read that he and Babs had ended their relationship but are still friends, a change handled with respect and love so it seems.
Quite a few of my other blog roll friends have changed as well, some like Scully moved their blogs to invitation only, some shutting down everything, others like KatieB moving to a new town and a new career, from Moondancer and myself we wish you and B all the best, you will always have a place to stay and a place in our hearts.
Change can also be handled with communication... something I have to sharpen up on again and blogging was one of the ways I could articulate my thoughts and sort out the things that were bugging me, not that much is bugging me at present... but I think I need to start practicing again... As Autumn leaves bodes the onset of winter I will probably have more time as very cold days are not always pleasant to go riding on a bike, time and conditions will tell. I usually start suffering from bikelessness within 24 hours! I do have thermal wear...
Once again my music matches the subject by echoing the theme in the words from;
Anastacia - Seasons Change (Concert Vid)
Cradle the weight of your life
You can survive
What lies before you
It's only a matter of time
Before the night
Turns into day
Oh, it should feel incredible, whoa..
To know you're not alone, uh
Just look in my eyes (just look in my eyes) whoa.. just look in my eyes
[Chorus:]
I said..
Happy turns to sad
Sometimes life gets bad
Things get rearranged
Nothing stays the same
It just never ends
Here we go again
One thing
Still remains, uh
Seasons seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon yeah seasons change
Are you scared of today?
Running away
I can see through you
Whoaoah..
It feels like an eternal haze
But it's only a faze
It's all in your mind
Oh, when you feel invisible, uh
Just know you're not alone
(c'mon, c'mon)
Just look in my eyes
(look in my eyes, huh, look in my eyes)
Just look in my eyes
Just look in my eyes
[Chorus:]
You can feel the air start to change
When you're walkin' out in the rain
And the colors inside your brain start fading
Til the winter is washed away
And nothing really feels the same
When sunlight's in your eyes
You feel alive
What I really want..
What I really want..
What I really want..
What I really want..
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah!
[Chorus:]
[Chorus:]
C'mon, c'mon yeah seasons change
C'mon, c'mon yeah seasons change
[Chorus:]
So as I go to get my warm top ponder this...
"There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter."
Billy Connolly
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The Sad Goodbye
Scully at Skywritings has closed her blog for personal reasons, we are poorer not being able to read her writing any more, you will be missed, my friend half a world away. The Roxette song sort of portrays my feelings about this... Here is Laura Brannigans excellent version that Per Gessle helped produce...
Red like fire was the day I met you.
I tell you now, there are no regrets.
In this room there are many memories.
Some are good, some I try to forget.
I thought we were the chosen ones,
who were supposed to fly.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we seem to run and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
My heart was like a runaway train, babe.
I don't believe I've ever felt more alive.
In this room I hear voices linger.
We never talked about the price.
You know you're not the only one,
who knows how to cry.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
This song used to reflect a lot on my own life, now I can say the only the Sweet Hello applies...
"Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it." Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Tweek Vs. Craig, 1999
[via FoxyTunes / Roxette Laura Brannigan cover.
The Sweet Hello, The Sad GoodbyeRed like fire was the day I met you.
I tell you now, there are no regrets.
In this room there are many memories.
Some are good, some I try to forget.
I thought we were the chosen ones,
who were supposed to fly.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we seem to run and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
My heart was like a runaway train, babe.
I don't believe I've ever felt more alive.
In this room I hear voices linger.
We never talked about the price.
You know you're not the only one,
who knows how to cry.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
We're very much the same, you and I.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Still waiting to get hurt, time after time.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
When love lies in our hands, we run away and hide.
And I can't help but wonder why.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
Goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
The sweet hello, the sad goodbye.
This song used to reflect a lot on my own life, now I can say the only the Sweet Hello applies...
"Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it." Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Tweek Vs. Craig, 1999
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Conflict
"Whosoever may torment you, harass you, confound you, or upset you, is a teacher. Not because they're wise, but because you seek to become so." and thus spake the universe...
Been having a bit of tension at work and I was wondering why this was so and then I read the above thought on my sidebar. Call it coincidence if you will I call it a miracle as the words have made me think and in a small way made me wiser...
In the same vein I was saddened to hear of yet another suicide in our city yesterday, so often one is not directly involved when one reads or hears about these desperate acts, other times it is closer to home. I cannot say I know how such a person feels, even my darkest hour was but a short walk in those shoes. Being filled with God's love I cannot envisage such depths of dispair and all I can do is pray for those left behind with all the million questions as to why and how they missed the signs of darkness in their loved one's life. One thing I do know now is that we should be more aware of our neighbour's suffering. That one moment of reaching out may well be the lifeline they need before taking that desperate plunge away from life. That word, hug or even a smile may just be what they need to realise that live and they themselves have worth after all.
So, let us all become more aware of those that have conflict in their hearts that keeps them from experiencing the joy we are supposed to have.
Been having a bit of tension at work and I was wondering why this was so and then I read the above thought on my sidebar. Call it coincidence if you will I call it a miracle as the words have made me think and in a small way made me wiser...
In the same vein I was saddened to hear of yet another suicide in our city yesterday, so often one is not directly involved when one reads or hears about these desperate acts, other times it is closer to home. I cannot say I know how such a person feels, even my darkest hour was but a short walk in those shoes. Being filled with God's love I cannot envisage such depths of dispair and all I can do is pray for those left behind with all the million questions as to why and how they missed the signs of darkness in their loved one's life. One thing I do know now is that we should be more aware of our neighbour's suffering. That one moment of reaching out may well be the lifeline they need before taking that desperate plunge away from life. That word, hug or even a smile may just be what they need to realise that live and they themselves have worth after all.
So, let us all become more aware of those that have conflict in their hearts that keeps them from experiencing the joy we are supposed to have.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
I hope you dance.
I have a wish for a good friend, that she would find the love she deserves, so today I dedicate this to KatieB, my long lost sister I never had. She taught me to trust in God and let Him take control. Now I pray she finds what I have found in the Moonlight... soon we will dance... my physiotherapist was very happy with the way my leg is getting back in shape. She seems determined to not only get me in shape to dance but do the Comrades!
[via FoxyTunes / Lee Ann Womack - I hope you dance]
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..........
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin',
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin',
Don't let some Hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
Dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.)
"Dance is the hidden language of the soul." Martha Graham (1894 - 1991)
Friday, October 12, 2007
Double meaning
While listening to Peggy Marsh and her song I will follow him I again realised that this song was a dual meaning, it has been used as a Gospel song before and featured as one in the movie Sister Act with Whoopi Goldberg. This song I know word for word since I was a little kid. Prophetic words?
I WILL FOLLOW HIM (Little Peggy March)
I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go,
And near Him, I always will be,
For nothing can keep me away, He is my destiny.
I will follow Him, ever since He touched my heart I knew,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love.
I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes, I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away...
I will follow Him (follow Him),
Follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love...
I love Him (Oh yes, I love Him)
I'll follow (I'm gonna follow)
True love (He'll always be my true, true love)
Forever (Now until forever)
I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes, I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow,
He'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love,
From now until forever, forever, forever...
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love.
This also relates to today, once again we had to go through the valley of darkness but He held our hands as we put our trust in Him to make the best of the situation, it is a long process but will be resolved and at the same time be an example to others. Once it is over I will explain the whole story, in the meantime thanks for all those prayers and support. We appreciate it.
"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
I WILL FOLLOW HIM (Little Peggy March)
I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go,
And near Him, I always will be,
For nothing can keep me away, He is my destiny.
I will follow Him, ever since He touched my heart I knew,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love.
I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes, I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away...
I will follow Him (follow Him),
Follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love...
I love Him (Oh yes, I love Him)
I'll follow (I'm gonna follow)
True love (He'll always be my true, true love)
Forever (Now until forever)
I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes, I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow,
He'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love,
From now until forever, forever, forever...
There isn't an ocean too deep,
A mountain so high, it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love.
This also relates to today, once again we had to go through the valley of darkness but He held our hands as we put our trust in Him to make the best of the situation, it is a long process but will be resolved and at the same time be an example to others. Once it is over I will explain the whole story, in the meantime thanks for all those prayers and support. We appreciate it.
"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Monday, October 08, 2007
Faces
Pour me some wine, join me tonight
Surround me with your happy faces
Share some fun stories, stay up all night
Sorround me with your friendly faces
Then look at me, when I'm not aware
Then you'll see, I cannot do without you
I'll be right there, if you ask me to
If you're feeling sad, I'll stay with you
And if you're scared, I'll hold your hand
Like I know you'd do for me too, like I know
You'd do for me too
Pour me some wine, join me tonight
Life is so good when I'm with you
I needed the laughs, I needed you tonight
So look at me, when I'm not aware
Then you'll see, I cannot do without you
I'll be right there, if you ask me to
If you're feeling sad, I'll stay with you
And if you're scared, I'll hold your hand
Like I know you'd do for me too.
I'll be right there, if you ask me to
If you're feeling sad, I'll stay with you
And if you're scared, I'll hold your hand
Like I know you'd do for me too.
Lene has been one of my favourites ever since "Unforgivable Sinner", another Angelic Voice. This song of hers reminds me of all the faces I know, each one is important as the person behind it is precious to me in some way or another. Her voice has always had a soothing effect on my soul, just what I needed after another monday back at work.
"A smiling face is half the meal." Latvian Proverb
Sunday, October 07, 2007
From a distance
Once again you all amaze me, I forgo posting my blog for two days and I get e-mails to say "Wazzup?"
Life and RWC got hold of me by the scruff of the neck the last few days that is why post's have been lying in draft mode this weekend. The "missing" days are up at last and I apologise for letting you all worry. So it seems I am being checked up on from a distance...
[via FoxyTunes / Bette Midler-From a distance]
From a distance the world looks blue and green, and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream, and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony, and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace, it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough, and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease, no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us.
God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my friend, even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend what all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony, and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves, it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us, God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.
When I hear that song I always wonder what God is thinking when he sees how things are going on here on earth, how we all seem to be rushing around doing our own thing and not considering how we can change things by being the salt, by prayer and by example. Change begins with each one of us. That is my prayer...
I found this amazing song and video called Everything About You by Sanctus Real over on RT's pondering page, thanks! I am linking to your blog and to GodTube
... (updated link to YouTube, the God Tube embed is broken)
Be my light in the darkened room
I'm on my face and I'm calling you
I can't fathom all you've done for me
Every time it finds me on my knees
Life and RWC got hold of me by the scruff of the neck the last few days that is why post's have been lying in draft mode this weekend. The "missing" days are up at last and I apologise for letting you all worry. So it seems I am being checked up on from a distance...
[via FoxyTunes / Bette Midler-From a distance]
From a distance the world looks blue and green, and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream, and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony, and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace, it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough, and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease, no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us.
God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my friend, even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend what all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony, and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves, it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us, God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.
When I hear that song I always wonder what God is thinking when he sees how things are going on here on earth, how we all seem to be rushing around doing our own thing and not considering how we can change things by being the salt, by prayer and by example. Change begins with each one of us. That is my prayer...
I found this amazing song and video called Everything About You by Sanctus Real over on RT's pondering page, thanks! I am linking to your blog and to GodTube
... (updated link to YouTube, the God Tube embed is broken)Be my light in the darkened room
I'm on my face and I'm calling you
I can't fathom all you've done for me
Every time it finds me on my knees
Like sunlight in the winter cold
Everything about you, it takes my breath
Away...Hallelujah
I tried this once without you and it was my
Great mistake...Hallelujah
Questions fade when you invade
You chase all my fears away
With your love in my atmosphere
All confusion disappears
And nothing but your truth remains
Questions fade, you remain
You are color on a page of white, bright
Like eyes beneath black lights
Like a glowing city on the plains, you call
My name
Hallelujah
"We may go to the moon, but that's not very far. The greatest distance we have to cover still lies within us." Charles de Gaulle (1890 - 1970)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Half a world away
I count myself blessed with quite an average circle of friends in real life and over the interwebs I have "met" quite a few others that I can call friend as well, some are fellow soldiers from my time in the SADF on our mail-group and others from blogging. Some have been part of my life so long that I know if and when we meet face to face they will be exactly as I picture them, others have revealed their faces and I have been amazed that they look very like I imagined. Others I have eventually had the honour of meeting over a cup of coffee or a cold one, they are now real friends.
It is because we have shared part of our lives over time and countless snippets, sometimes light hearted and other times deep sorrow as they shared a glimpses of their lives.
Some people say one should not give the same value to your online friends as your real friends, but I disagree. The test of any friendship is how well you communicate and empathise with the other person and how you witness them in your life as well as you being a witness in theirs. Because in reality we will meet them all face to face one day.
That is why I thank Moondancer for using something she had on her blog, it was in Afrikaans but is 100% relevant in any language;
How can I pray Our when I live a self centered life, how can I say Father if I am not His child, how can I say Who art in heaven, if I still live an adamic life
How can I pray Hallowed be Thy Name. when I use it as a curse?
How can I pray Thy Kingdom come. when I do not witness.
How can I pray Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. when I want my own way every day
How can I pray Give us this day our daily bread. when I ignore those in need.
How can I pray And forgive us our trespasses, when I still hold grudges
How can I pray as we forgive those who trespass against us. when I cannot forgive others
How can I pray And lead us not into temptation, when I do not give up those desires
How can I pray but deliver us from evil. when I do not acknowledge the power of the Spirit
How can I say Amen. when I do not have childlike faith?
How can I say For thine is the kingdom, when I do not serve Jesus, how can I say and the power, when I let fear rule my life, how can I say and the glory, for ever and ever. when I rule my own life. Amen
By the way this part is not in the original Gospels and I separated it for that reason but I like using it to emphasise God's authority when I pray The Lords Prayer.
It is because we have shared part of our lives over time and countless snippets, sometimes light hearted and other times deep sorrow as they shared a glimpses of their lives.
Some people say one should not give the same value to your online friends as your real friends, but I disagree. The test of any friendship is how well you communicate and empathise with the other person and how you witness them in your life as well as you being a witness in theirs. Because in reality we will meet them all face to face one day.
That is why I thank Moondancer for using something she had on her blog, it was in Afrikaans but is 100% relevant in any language;
How can I pray Our when I live a self centered life, how can I say Father if I am not His child, how can I say Who art in heaven, if I still live an adamic life
How can I pray Hallowed be Thy Name. when I use it as a curse?
How can I pray Thy Kingdom come. when I do not witness.
How can I pray Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. when I want my own way every day
How can I pray Give us this day our daily bread. when I ignore those in need.
How can I pray And forgive us our trespasses, when I still hold grudges
How can I pray as we forgive those who trespass against us. when I cannot forgive others
How can I pray And lead us not into temptation, when I do not give up those desires
How can I pray but deliver us from evil. when I do not acknowledge the power of the Spirit
How can I say Amen. when I do not have childlike faith?
How can I say For thine is the kingdom, when I do not serve Jesus, how can I say and the power, when I let fear rule my life, how can I say and the glory, for ever and ever. when I rule my own life. Amen
By the way this part is not in the original Gospels and I separated it for that reason but I like using it to emphasise God's authority when I pray The Lords Prayer.
This is a poem that I wrote for all those people Half a World Away from me that have touched my life through the years;
I read your words, written half a world away.
I wished I could be there to hug and reassure.
I felt your pain at another lost love.
You painted a picture with your words I could see.
You revealed your sacred duty with words of mirth.
The sound of battle was almost real to me.
Each one of my friends, half a world away.
Read each day, wished well each night.
As the sun rises on my side it sets on yours,
Know that even when your face is unseen,
I appreciate and value your part in my life.
Each one of you, half a world away I pray,
May Angels be with those in jeopardy.
My comfort be with those who have lost,
something or someone, tangible or real.
May you all be witness to each other,
Half a world away, someday we will meet.
So as my circle friends grows and ebbs like the tide I am thankful for each and every one for touching my life and making me a better person, the same way pebbles get shaped in a stream we get shaped by the friends we meet and although some share a brief time with us in the stream others stay nestled up close and slowly become familiar trusted souls on the same adventure of life. Sharing and bearing each other through good and bad times. Always a stone throw away, by phone or e-mail or across the fence. Half a world away...
"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Pudd'nhead Wilson
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Wednesday washing
Today the washing got done... and it is hanging on the line... metaphorically speaking. No more tsunamis and that's a promise. Why does this feel like a huge boulder that has been evaporated?
Time for me to take charge as KatieB said and get myself out of this rut... however I stand before a forked road.
One is to chase my dream,
One is to be obedient,
One is to throw caution to the wind.
Then I remember what I had written on Sunday... and especially after reading KatieB's latest posting and I know what my course is going to be, obedience will be my path because in doing so my dreams and desires will find fulfillment.
As a matter of fact my mind is so clear about this that I have changed my blog footer.
Speaking of feet, I was recently reading where Jesus washed the disciples feet and also where His feet were anointed by the woman that others despised. Why do we not do this as often as He asked? We do Communion and laying on of hands but this is rarely done? Especially when we know a person is preparing for a spiritual journey?
John 13
12 After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?
13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because it is true.
14 And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you
16How true it is that a servant is not greater than the master. Nor are messengers more important than the one who sends them.
17You know these things? now do them! That is the path of blessing.
I must take this up with the Pastor...
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." Geoffrey F. Abert
Time for me to take charge as KatieB said and get myself out of this rut... however I stand before a forked road.
One is to chase my dream,
One is to be obedient,
One is to throw caution to the wind.
Then I remember what I had written on Sunday... and especially after reading KatieB's latest posting and I know what my course is going to be, obedience will be my path because in doing so my dreams and desires will find fulfillment.
As a matter of fact my mind is so clear about this that I have changed my blog footer.
Speaking of feet, I was recently reading where Jesus washed the disciples feet and also where His feet were anointed by the woman that others despised. Why do we not do this as often as He asked? We do Communion and laying on of hands but this is rarely done? Especially when we know a person is preparing for a spiritual journey?
John 13
12 After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?
13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because it is true.
14 And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you
16How true it is that a servant is not greater than the master. Nor are messengers more important than the one who sends them.
17You know these things? now do them! That is the path of blessing.
I must take this up with the Pastor...
"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." Geoffrey F. Abert
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Lessons from walls
This posting has been long in gestation and today in Church I got the final threads to finish it off as promised previously... It is neither a lengthy or noble dissertation, just something that I have felt needs to be said.
Life is a procession, some may call it a comedy of errors, others call it a learning process. I call it an adventure these days...We all get hurt by life at some time or another, some build defensive walls and attitudes to protect them from the hurt. Others carry on regardless in their selfish ways. Others hide away in despair. Others take on the poisoned chains of pride.
Then there are people that want to throw off the yoke of past experiences to be able to live again as we are supposed to.Joyfully and adventurously.I am one of those people, but before I could do that I had to love myself again, to see that even with my bruised ego, broken heart and mangled self worth I was a person that was worthy to be a creature of joy again. Part of this was accepting and realizing that God loved me no matter what I did or had done. He had made me and He had loved me enough to create a way for me to be with Him eternally. How could I doubt my worth if the God of creation considered me worthy?
Once this was out of the way I realized that I had to get rid of my fortress that I had built around me as a result of past experiences.I had to get my psyche naked, this was the toughest part, because when you are exposed like this the flame of a passing soul is like a blowtorch, some have a flame of hatred, others of jealousy, even friendship scorches...
However if you persevere the freedom of not hiding behind a wall or mask is bliss itself, you know that you mean what you say and do what you mean. This honesty is sometimes disconcerting to others catching them off guard and flowing over them like a tsunami. I keep forgetting that part...
What I also have found is that I have lost the art of picking up hidden cues... I do not expect them because of my directness and openness... why should others play games when I cannot? But they do, mostly not intentionally but on a constant basis... I have to retrain myself to read these signs I suppose. Then I go read a recent study on kisses and I seem to be once again the exception to the rule as my goal when kissing is not to end up in the boudoir... I put a lot of emotional value in a kiss, to me a kiss is not part of what they say, a kiss is like cement for my heart, it fills in the cracks and makes me whole again. Yes it does set my heart racing but it also tells me that I am not alone in the adventure of life or the building of a relationship. Without a kiss it just a great friendship... but with a kiss once in a while there is a hint of something that may well grow to become that once in lifetime experience.
Being a gentleman is also a given when one has chosen the path I have, considering the other person and respecting their wishes is worth it, trust me, as the other way of being a boor and throwing a tantrum is not going to get you any points either. What I am talking about is when you have told the object of your affections your feelings, respect what you get back, I know it is hard to have to reign in your emotions but unless you expect instant gratification you are far better off being a friend than earning instant enmity. I actually think that the Victorian era had perfected this as a man would very often court a woman for many years before even telling her what he felt, rather getting to know her over time through many conversations and countless letters... we have forgotten that art gentlemen! Time to back track and do things in a proper and fitting fashion I believe. Chastity has it's own reward...
However as mentioned in a previous post, I think modern men are losers when it comes to understanding their purpose in the scheme of things, I am not excusing myself either, I have learnt that lesson well and have been shown the error of my ways regarding our responsibility to children we bring into the world. Only when we understand what the true meaning of being a Gentleman is will this change. Leaving a child in the lurch is a cowardly way to excuse
yourself from your responsibility. Just as God loves you you should love that child and do all you can to provide for this gift you received. At the same time if you had followed the proper order of things you may well never have gotten in this place at all... passion has both a price and a place.
Now all I want is to nurture those I love, to protect and serve and lead by example, in some small way show them the love I have been shown. When I see one of them hurting I wish I could take that cloak and put it on myself and bear their pain instead. I cry more easily because of this... I seem pray more often as well.
Lastly I leave you with this test of love that I only recently came to understand in full and without this any relationship is doomed to failure:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
Life is a procession, some may call it a comedy of errors, others call it a learning process. I call it an adventure these days...We all get hurt by life at some time or another, some build defensive walls and attitudes to protect them from the hurt. Others carry on regardless in their selfish ways. Others hide away in despair. Others take on the poisoned chains of pride.
Then there are people that want to throw off the yoke of past experiences to be able to live again as we are supposed to.Joyfully and adventurously.I am one of those people, but before I could do that I had to love myself again, to see that even with my bruised ego, broken heart and mangled self worth I was a person that was worthy to be a creature of joy again. Part of this was accepting and realizing that God loved me no matter what I did or had done. He had made me and He had loved me enough to create a way for me to be with Him eternally. How could I doubt my worth if the God of creation considered me worthy?
Once this was out of the way I realized that I had to get rid of my fortress that I had built around me as a result of past experiences.I had to get my psyche naked, this was the toughest part, because when you are exposed like this the flame of a passing soul is like a blowtorch, some have a flame of hatred, others of jealousy, even friendship scorches...
However if you persevere the freedom of not hiding behind a wall or mask is bliss itself, you know that you mean what you say and do what you mean. This honesty is sometimes disconcerting to others catching them off guard and flowing over them like a tsunami. I keep forgetting that part...
What I also have found is that I have lost the art of picking up hidden cues... I do not expect them because of my directness and openness... why should others play games when I cannot? But they do, mostly not intentionally but on a constant basis... I have to retrain myself to read these signs I suppose. Then I go read a recent study on kisses and I seem to be once again the exception to the rule as my goal when kissing is not to end up in the boudoir... I put a lot of emotional value in a kiss, to me a kiss is not part of what they say, a kiss is like cement for my heart, it fills in the cracks and makes me whole again. Yes it does set my heart racing but it also tells me that I am not alone in the adventure of life or the building of a relationship. Without a kiss it just a great friendship... but with a kiss once in a while there is a hint of something that may well grow to become that once in lifetime experience.
Being a gentleman is also a given when one has chosen the path I have, considering the other person and respecting their wishes is worth it, trust me, as the other way of being a boor and throwing a tantrum is not going to get you any points either. What I am talking about is when you have told the object of your affections your feelings, respect what you get back, I know it is hard to have to reign in your emotions but unless you expect instant gratification you are far better off being a friend than earning instant enmity. I actually think that the Victorian era had perfected this as a man would very often court a woman for many years before even telling her what he felt, rather getting to know her over time through many conversations and countless letters... we have forgotten that art gentlemen! Time to back track and do things in a proper and fitting fashion I believe. Chastity has it's own reward...
However as mentioned in a previous post, I think modern men are losers when it comes to understanding their purpose in the scheme of things, I am not excusing myself either, I have learnt that lesson well and have been shown the error of my ways regarding our responsibility to children we bring into the world. Only when we understand what the true meaning of being a Gentleman is will this change. Leaving a child in the lurch is a cowardly way to excuse
yourself from your responsibility. Just as God loves you you should love that child and do all you can to provide for this gift you received. At the same time if you had followed the proper order of things you may well never have gotten in this place at all... passion has both a price and a place.
Now all I want is to nurture those I love, to protect and serve and lead by example, in some small way show them the love I have been shown. When I see one of them hurting I wish I could take that cloak and put it on myself and bear their pain instead. I cry more easily because of this... I seem pray more often as well.
Lastly I leave you with this test of love that I only recently came to understand in full and without this any relationship is doomed to failure:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Spring in my step
Well not quite springs but let me introduce you to my latest hardware... no not the geek gadget kind but...
My Titanium plate and other hardware, now I know why my leg is sore when it is cold...
Another angle on the hardware, "roofing screws" come to mind.
The tag, in case I got lost in hospital...
Talking of Spring... once again the Prunus outside the flat is putting up a magnificent show of Blazing Pink (mmm tracklist title methinks).
Yeah, that time of year again. I recall a similar view last year although a week earlier it seems, must be the colder winter we had this year.
Getting the fields of play ready for a new season... saw this as I was picking the best shot of the Prunus, I love 5 mega pixels! The grass is being scarified and I bet they are going to water it tomorrow as well, I will try to get same pics of the birds that usually forage for the seeds after this is done. The walk will be good exercise.
A lot has happened since last year, amazingly mostly very good stuff! I am truly blessed when I look back.
This bunch of Prunus picked by KatieB's daughter yesterday when they popped in to see me has brightened up our world, thanks B!
I got some more work stuff done today and was listening to my music as usual and then I sort of paused when this one came up...
One of my favourite 80's song, an amazing voice and lyrics I live by...
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
give you up. give you up
give you up, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, five you up
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
And she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I dont know why
But shes changed my mind
Chorus:
Would you look at her
She looks at me
Shes got me thinking about her constantly
But she dont know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if shes figured out
Im crazy for this girl
She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didnt end
Why didnt I know what I know now
Chorus
Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
Im ready to spend the rest of my life
With you
Chorus 2x
My Titanium plate and other hardware, now I know why my leg is sore when it is cold...
Another angle on the hardware, "roofing screws" come to mind.
The tag, in case I got lost in hospital...Talking of Spring... once again the Prunus outside the flat is putting up a magnificent show of Blazing Pink (mmm tracklist title methinks).
Yeah, that time of year again. I recall a similar view last year although a week earlier it seems, must be the colder winter we had this year.
Getting the fields of play ready for a new season... saw this as I was picking the best shot of the Prunus, I love 5 mega pixels! The grass is being scarified and I bet they are going to water it tomorrow as well, I will try to get same pics of the birds that usually forage for the seeds after this is done. The walk will be good exercise.A lot has happened since last year, amazingly mostly very good stuff! I am truly blessed when I look back.
This bunch of Prunus picked by KatieB's daughter yesterday when they popped in to see me has brightened up our world, thanks B!I got some more work stuff done today and was listening to my music as usual and then I sort of paused when this one came up...
One of my favourite 80's song, an amazing voice and lyrics I live by...
[via FoxyTunes / Rick Astley] Never gonna give you up.
We're no strangers to loveYou know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We've know each other for so long
Your heart's been aching
But you're too shy to say it
Inside we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
give you up. give you up
give you up, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, give you up
never gonna give
never gonna give, five you up
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Well after that and some more work this one played... I had never given it much thought before but once again it had me thinking...
[via FoxyTunes / Evan and Jaron] - Crazy For This Girl
She rolls the window downAnd she
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I dont know why
But shes changed my mind
Chorus:
Would you look at her
She looks at me
Shes got me thinking about her constantly
But she dont know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if shes figured out
Im crazy for this girl
She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didnt end
Why didnt I know what I know now
Chorus
Right now
Face to face
All my fears
Pushed aside
And right now
Im ready to spend the rest of my life
With you
Chorus 2x
So there I go with a picture of someone in my mind and songs in my head...
Foot up, see! I am being good!
"An optimist is the human personification of spring." Susan J. Bissonette
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I am soooooo busted
Today has been one of the most amazing days... I will also be shot by my doctor if he hears about it too.
Last week part of my system went missing and we found that no one had taken into account that my system's cables also ran through the new computer lab site... so when this happened we we quickly applied Occam's razor and had new cable ordered and arranged for installation asap... but in the meantime I went and had my skid.
So this morning the techie phones and asked me where the cable must be put in... I ended up on site and together we sorted out the new installation. I thought it would be a quick hour at the most then I could be back home again.
In the meantime my assistant came down with a bad case of flu with side effects of gastritis... not good, so a lady who has no idea of how our two jobs are done gets thrown into the pool.
I just could not leave her to the tender mercy of the sharks and spent the better part of the morning till way past lunch giving her a crash course to hold the fort until my assistant gets back. As I have been booked off till the end of September myself it is going to be interesting to see how things work out... maybe my request for more staff will be considered this time?
As I was explaining the last few details to her who walks in but KatieB... With a smile and a "And just what are you doing here?" look, I was busted... at least she took me home and gave me a wonderful foot rub and the keys to her castle as we browsed the blogs we like together. Thanks again for being my best friend, I really enjoy your company as well, nay, sometimes I crave it. We never seem to exhaust the variety of topics but sometimes just being together not saying anything is like a symphony.
I believe having someone that you can talk and listen to without fear is one of the most amazing gifts one can have in life and should be cherished both in good times and in bad. We sure are having our fair share of variety at present.
"Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for." Earl Warren (1891 - 1974)
Last week part of my system went missing and we found that no one had taken into account that my system's cables also ran through the new computer lab site... so when this happened we we quickly applied Occam's razor and had new cable ordered and arranged for installation asap... but in the meantime I went and had my skid.
So this morning the techie phones and asked me where the cable must be put in... I ended up on site and together we sorted out the new installation. I thought it would be a quick hour at the most then I could be back home again.
In the meantime my assistant came down with a bad case of flu with side effects of gastritis... not good, so a lady who has no idea of how our two jobs are done gets thrown into the pool.
I just could not leave her to the tender mercy of the sharks and spent the better part of the morning till way past lunch giving her a crash course to hold the fort until my assistant gets back. As I have been booked off till the end of September myself it is going to be interesting to see how things work out... maybe my request for more staff will be considered this time?
As I was explaining the last few details to her who walks in but KatieB... With a smile and a "And just what are you doing here?" look, I was busted... at least she took me home and gave me a wonderful foot rub and the keys to her castle as we browsed the blogs we like together. Thanks again for being my best friend, I really enjoy your company as well, nay, sometimes I crave it. We never seem to exhaust the variety of topics but sometimes just being together not saying anything is like a symphony.
I believe having someone that you can talk and listen to without fear is one of the most amazing gifts one can have in life and should be cherished both in good times and in bad. We sure are having our fair share of variety at present.
"Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for." Earl Warren (1891 - 1974)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ugg the caveman thinks
he cannot hunt Mammoths because they can read his mind... then again it may be because he is of the Mammoth Clan?
I seem to have cast a puzzle earlier today by using Ugg and his hunting skills, or lack thereof... so I will have to explain in detail I suppose.
Being a Gemini I am a multidimensional person... or as normal mortals say, "Slightly daft, with split personalities." one of them is my caveman side that emerges when things puzzle and confuse me, then like a caveman I go hunting. By hunting I mean introspection and doing things I like that help me make sense of things.
Anyone that has been reading my blogs will sense that I have had a crush on someone and have been in mope mode ever since because the object of affection is not on the same wavelength...
However, before I do the Tsunami thing let me explain that I have realized why I feel so rejected and also know that I have no reason to feel this way. I did this to myself after all!
Experiencing a crush is a physiological and psychological thing and I have been able to understand the why and how of this whole Cupid induced madness and get over it and get back to just the wonderful friendship.
The rejection however is due to something I had not dealt with, I went and looked at my life since 2000 and I found that I had never faced up to why I always seem to be so crushed when any relationship seems to be going no where. An after effect of going through a divorce I would imagine...
I even went so far as to type up a posting especially after TUT sent me a rather cryptic message that seemed to confirm how I was feeling... I am putting it here just to be able to analyse it from a distance so to speak. The TUT message is in Italics by the way...
I titled it: Ummm yeah... talking in my sleep...
"Do you realize that you have never heard anything, from anyone, that you did not want to hear? Pretty tricky of you." Mmm... that is a hidden meaning if ever... but I hear it loud and clear and bow down before You in humility and wonder at your Infinite Wisdom, meanwhile tears stream down my cheeks as I realise I am lost once again... Would it be too much to ask to grant my wish?
No it is more than a wish, it is my life, my desire, my being, poured out like blood...
Must I chisel it out on tablets of stone?
Must I do penance forever for something I do not know I have done?
Answer me... this pain is too much to bear.
How is it that one can love so much that it causes pain, so much that it makes another person afraid?
This impotence, this inability to break down walls is wearing me down.
If this is how it ends I never want to love again.
I would sacrifice all I am to be the one...But then I would have lost a friend and I realise that that would be the greatest tragedy. So release me from this prison, let me be free, let my emotions fade away, let my eyes stop being hungry, let my heart be calm. This I beg of Thee.
So there... that was yesterday... now I look back and laugh and I am so glad I never posted it when I did, it would have been taken in the wrong context and most probably blown up in my face.
I was feeling that way because I was misreading everything, only hearing what I wanted to and not stopping to think that I am not being rejected as a friend or even physically but because this brought back feelings from the past I reacted as if I was not acceptable company any more... a pain so intense that eats away at reason. After doing some reading I found this that helped me realise what I have had so long...
Rejection sensitivity
Individuals differ widely in their level of rejection sensitivity. According to Geraldine Downey and her colleagues at Columbia University, rejection sensitivity is a tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection.[7] For those who have a high level of rejection sensitivity, an ambiguous social interaction may be perceived as rejection. This can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Individual differences in rejection sensitivity are believed to be the result of previous rejection experiences, particularly childhood experiences with parents and peers. This is consistent with attachment theory, but so far, there is little empirical evidence of the early causes of rejection sensitivity
Since then things have come into focus and I have rejected rejection and accepted the hand of friendship and looked at those words again. I will be listening more from now on that's for sure.
As I seem to still be in a juvenile stage of life I find the following very apt to today's subject in my diary;
I really think that I am starting to get it right, it just took a long time for me to grow up I suppose, I have always felt 18 years old in any case... Oh the Guinea Fowl bit?
That was just me thinking of another animal and it's atributes. They are tough critters by the way and always go about their business in a jovial gregarious sort of way, when I see them on campus they always seem to be having fun along with their day to day foraging. I think we should be like them as well... Nice to see somone is back to blogging as well with a stunning photo and a theme to think over as well... It certainly helped me put things in perspective...
"In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection." Farrah Gray
I seem to have cast a puzzle earlier today by using Ugg and his hunting skills, or lack thereof... so I will have to explain in detail I suppose.
Being a Gemini I am a multidimensional person... or as normal mortals say, "Slightly daft, with split personalities." one of them is my caveman side that emerges when things puzzle and confuse me, then like a caveman I go hunting. By hunting I mean introspection and doing things I like that help me make sense of things.
Anyone that has been reading my blogs will sense that I have had a crush on someone and have been in mope mode ever since because the object of affection is not on the same wavelength...
However, before I do the Tsunami thing let me explain that I have realized why I feel so rejected and also know that I have no reason to feel this way. I did this to myself after all!
Experiencing a crush is a physiological and psychological thing and I have been able to understand the why and how of this whole Cupid induced madness and get over it and get back to just the wonderful friendship.
The rejection however is due to something I had not dealt with, I went and looked at my life since 2000 and I found that I had never faced up to why I always seem to be so crushed when any relationship seems to be going no where. An after effect of going through a divorce I would imagine...
I even went so far as to type up a posting especially after TUT sent me a rather cryptic message that seemed to confirm how I was feeling... I am putting it here just to be able to analyse it from a distance so to speak. The TUT message is in Italics by the way...
I titled it: Ummm yeah... talking in my sleep...
"Do you realize that you have never heard anything, from anyone, that you did not want to hear? Pretty tricky of you." Mmm... that is a hidden meaning if ever... but I hear it loud and clear and bow down before You in humility and wonder at your Infinite Wisdom, meanwhile tears stream down my cheeks as I realise I am lost once again... Would it be too much to ask to grant my wish?
No it is more than a wish, it is my life, my desire, my being, poured out like blood...
Must I chisel it out on tablets of stone?
Must I do penance forever for something I do not know I have done?
Answer me... this pain is too much to bear.
How is it that one can love so much that it causes pain, so much that it makes another person afraid?
This impotence, this inability to break down walls is wearing me down.
If this is how it ends I never want to love again.
I would sacrifice all I am to be the one...But then I would have lost a friend and I realise that that would be the greatest tragedy. So release me from this prison, let me be free, let my emotions fade away, let my eyes stop being hungry, let my heart be calm. This I beg of Thee.
So there... that was yesterday... now I look back and laugh and I am so glad I never posted it when I did, it would have been taken in the wrong context and most probably blown up in my face.
I was feeling that way because I was misreading everything, only hearing what I wanted to and not stopping to think that I am not being rejected as a friend or even physically but because this brought back feelings from the past I reacted as if I was not acceptable company any more... a pain so intense that eats away at reason. After doing some reading I found this that helped me realise what I have had so long...
Rejection sensitivity
Individuals differ widely in their level of rejection sensitivity. According to Geraldine Downey and her colleagues at Columbia University, rejection sensitivity is a tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection.[7] For those who have a high level of rejection sensitivity, an ambiguous social interaction may be perceived as rejection. This can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Individual differences in rejection sensitivity are believed to be the result of previous rejection experiences, particularly childhood experiences with parents and peers. This is consistent with attachment theory, but so far, there is little empirical evidence of the early causes of rejection sensitivity
Since then things have come into focus and I have rejected rejection and accepted the hand of friendship and looked at those words again. I will be listening more from now on that's for sure.
As I seem to still be in a juvenile stage of life I find the following very apt to today's subject in my diary;
[via FoxyTunes / The Ataris]
Here in this diary I write you visions of my summer
It was the best I ever had
There were choruses and sing alongs
And that unspoken feeling of knowing
That right now is all that matters
All the nights we stayed up talking
Listening to 80's songs
And quoting lines from all those movies that we love
It still brings a smile to my face
I guess when it comes down to it
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
Breaking into hotel swimming pools
And wreaking havoc on our world
Hanging out at truck stops
Just to pass the time
The blacktop singing me to sleep
Lighting fireworks in parking lots
Illuminate the blackest nights
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky
2015 Riverside, it's time to say goodbye
Get on the bus, it's time to go
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
(Get it right)
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
I really think that I am starting to get it right, it just took a long time for me to grow up I suppose, I have always felt 18 years old in any case... Oh the Guinea Fowl bit?
That was just me thinking of another animal and it's atributes. They are tough critters by the way and always go about their business in a jovial gregarious sort of way, when I see them on campus they always seem to be having fun along with their day to day foraging. I think we should be like them as well... Nice to see somone is back to blogging as well with a stunning photo and a theme to think over as well... It certainly helped me put things in perspective...
"In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection." Farrah Gray
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I stand in awe when I see the works of Thy hands.
“Our Father Which Art in Heaven,” “Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power,and the Glory, For Ever. Amen.” Matthew 6:9,13, KJVWhen I saw this picture on The Gateway to Astronaut Photography of Earth I just had to put it up and use it as the theme for today, I am today putting in electronic format the thanks I have been expressing to God for my recent holiday and all that went before and after it. The wonderful people I met that helped me in one way or another, the people that let me into their lives in some way or another and the wonders He let me experience, it was a life changing experience in so many ways. His gift to me has been that I will never again doubt that anything cannot be done and that we should always face a challenge, with Him on our side who can be against us.
Since getting back quite a few challenges have been put in my path but I believe that they will be overcome in a miraculous way, not that the physical means have not been provided either, that already has been amazing.
My ideas for an Adventuring Company will become reality, that I am sure of as well, the books I have come across since I started thinking of this have been both inspirational and an affirmation that I am not crazy.
I have also had this thought that whatever form the Adventure idea takes will have to include a way of uplifting the people we come across in the process, whether it be just being a witness to their lives or influencing them to aspire to achieve their dreams as we are. That would be the real reward.
Pray - Tina Cousins
What a miracle is life
the fields are high and fruit is ripe
so hold out your hands
yeah, hold out your hands
And you're the same as me
you breathe the air I breathe
and we don't understand
yeah, we don't understand
And if you don't ask questions
you won't know why
so say a prayer for the dying
while there's still time. So
Pray for good and pray for love
Pray for peace and pray it's enough
pray for salvation, pray that we're right
pray for one day we open our eyes
And pray for them and pray for us
pray one day we can live as one
pray for the children whose time is to come
And pray they forgive us for the stupid things we've done
We all see the same sun
each day a golden praise is sung
to the wonder of man
yeah, the wonder of man
And when we look why can't we see
all the riches that are free
oh we don't understand
yeah, we don't understand
And if you don't ask questions
you won't know why
so say a prayer for the dying
while there's still time. So
Pray for good and pray for love
Pray for peace and pray it's enough
pray for salvation, pray that we're right
pray for one day we open our eyes
And pray for them and pray for us
pray one day we can live as one
pray for the children whose time is to come
And pray they forgive us for the stupid things we've done
[via FoxyTunes / Tina Cousins]
The song sums up my feelings remarkably, I may have put the lyrics up before but they just fit with the theme... Video insertion thanks to my newest toy on Firefox called FoxyTunes a "remote" for your browser that controls your media player, Winamp in my case... it is absolutely awesome. While listening to a song you can search for everything related to the song, I mean everything! It is also available for IE... if you have to that is... Isn't Technology wonderful? Another gift we should be grateful for."Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)
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