Cupid. You got me good this time...

Moondancer surveying the vista.

It has been around 7 odd months and I do not regret one millisecond of Us.
How one guy can be so fortunate to meet somone that is both best friend and other half is beyond me... all I can do is say thank you God and thank you E for being who you are and enjoying the things we share.
Must, bid the Morn awake!
Sad Winter now declines,
Each bird doth choose a mate;
This day's Saint Valentine's.
For that good bishop's sake
Get up and let us see
What beauty it shall be
That Fortune us assigns.
Michael Drayton (1563 - 1631)

Winners and losers

This is a retrospective post as I only got home at 4 am on Sunday... Sorry England, try again in 4 years... there has to be a winner and a loser in sport. Great game Os, 80 games and 80 minutes in the Green and Gold!

However... when it comes to the heart one wins by losing, one gains by giving and kisses are sweeter than wine. Cupid seems to have had two arrows in his bow this time. Thatisall.

There is no remedy for love but to love more. Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862), Journal, July 25, 1839

Amica donna mia

The title means "My lady friend" in Italian, to me the most romantic language to listen to in song, as I do not speak it or French for that matter I suppose it is a silly statement, but I have always found Italian songs more comfortable on the ear than French. Francisco Napoli, Eros Ramazzotti, Zuchero, Pavarotti, Andrea Bocelli and the list goes on, all favourites of mine and all speak to my heart better than most French singers, the exception being Francoise Hardy... I had a schoolboy crush on her when her song Only You Can Do It (Je veux qu'il revienne) was a hit in the mid sixties and the pictures of her helped too...
I remember this one... sellotaped to my door...
My image of the quintessential Biker Chick... maybe she started me thinking about bikes?
Francois today... still good looking but not my type anymore... but I still like her music. In any case this is going slightly off track here, I wanted to focus on the Italian singers and the way they carry the passion of the song through their voices.

The song in question by Eros Ramazotti will always hold a special place in my heart as it reminds me of KatieB, when I hear it I picture her on the stand at the track, score sheet in hand, watching the bikes going over the finish jump while the song plays over the PA. I suppose I should have been focused on the race but I could not help stealing a glance her way and noticing how enthralled she was with the race. I think I feel the same way when I look at her, I see someone that is willing to put up with this crazy guy that loves motorbikes and dirt racing then I realize it is more than that... she actually shares my passions, how great is that? So to my Amica donna mia I want to say you stole my heart again that day... I hope to lose it each time we have an adventure or spend time together. Can one lose your heart to a friend? I believe so... I had better stop before I cause another Tsunami...

Just like a month ago when I went and blurted out my feelings over coffee and muffins... not that they have changed much. I have just learned to take each day at a time and be the person that she feels safe with, it is a learning curve for both of us I suppose but every day I realize this is a precious thing that has been given to us and we should treat it as such and nurture it like a special plant in a garden, too much water and it drowns, too much fertiliser and it wilts, too much pruning and it dies back. What I want to say is that I will always be your friend my Amica donna mia...

So here is my verse set to the same title:
Ere there was a time I was alone like the sands on the shore,
One amongst a billion, unseen unnoticed, unwitnessed,
Then my eyes were opened,
My soul was touched,
My life became reality,
You became my witness and I became yours,
You showed me that my dreams had purpose,
You became a lighthouse in my storms,
My arms became stronger,
Walls came tumbling down,
Friendship forged through adventure shared,
Amica donna mia forever.

Duct Tape for the Soul

I still have a score to settle with that Cherub, he and Murphy are on my hit list... but I know the crush is over and I have a friend for life. As Dr Phil says "What were you thinking", must have been all that wind in my ears the last two weeks! They say the wind whispers and puts ideas in our heads...
As I sat pondering our last conversation this played over the headphones:

All I Really Want - Alanis Morrisette

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...

The song sort of put in perspective all the chaotic amazing things I have experienced these last few weeks, well sort of... the "apathy" line is pure bull... but the one about dropping pretenses is true... This got me realising that more than once my music collection has pulled me from the brink of some chasm or another and helped me resolve this thing we call life, duct tape for the soul of sorts. That and my three manuals, The Book and two sets of lists for life...
It is true that music soothes the troubled soul. Whoever discovered that was a genius... I think that person lives on as Winamp!
The following poem from the website link sums up my thoughts up perfectly.

Musical Healing
by Kate Clifford

I grasp upon musical notes to save my tortured soul.
Tortured by the anguish I have allowed into this lifetime.
Notes bring pain from inside, humming through my lips.
I feel it leaving like a prayer with words I cannot say.
Releasing a sorrow of pent up dreams forever broken.

Ripping guts, unspoken pain screams to the universe.
Fears are leaping as the music continues to play on.
A prayer forms in energy that I do not understand.
Lips quiver as I feel the answer without thoughts.
Musical notes break chains I have not yet named.

Hearing the flute begging me to dance with life energy,
I can’t help but snap my fingers to the irresistible beat.
Inside vibrations lift me to a new feeling of exultation.
Not one word spoken as the humming continues on.
Pain releasing a new healing with these musical notes.
Now I understand why we enjoy multifaceted music, it blends with us multifaceted humans in such a wonderful way, another Gift we should be grateful for, just like friends...
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together." (Just like friendship.)
Carl Zwanzig (This is the first time I am adding to a quote... makes that truism seem more like wisdom!)

Deja Dreams

I am busy with my "missing days" and should have them more or less complete by Sunday night... working through 615 photo's to pick the right ones takes time...

However... I have this feeling of deja vu hanging around me and the song Missing by Everything but the Girl is haunting me... just like No Mercy's version did last week... but for a different reason. Did I come on too strong? Did I cause a Tsunami? I am like a dog looking for that bone he buried last week... but the Boss has moved to another house! Is this another And Dreams Were Dreams episode in my life... I really hope not.
Winamp has just played Dreams by the Cranberries... I think I will finish up now and go to bed... to dream.
Cranberries - Dreams

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I felt like this before
But now I’m feeling it even more
Because it came from you

Then I open up and see
The person fumbling here is me
A different way to be

I want more, impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
They’ll come true, impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

Now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don’t hurt me
For what I couldn’t find

Talk to me amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You’re everything to me

Oh my life is changing everyday
Every possible way
Though my dreams, it’s never quite as it seems
’cause you’re a dream to me
Dream to me

However it plays out I will always be friends... One of today's quotes from The Quotations Page sums up my feelings...
"Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory? They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well together." George Santayana (1863 - 1952)

No mercy for the lonely

Woke up humming "Missing" by No Mercy and for the first time I had an urgent need to get home, I miss my kids and cats but I miss something else as well.
The Yatclub... a highly recommended establishment for weary travelers. This was taken as I digested a breakfast of note... I had my own mini loaf of freshly baked bread and the most delicious omelet made by the host Des.
The tranquility of the dam at the Yatclub, now I saw why Des said he changed the name to Yatclub... this stretch of the Grobbelaars's river is scarcely big enough to float a canoe.
These clouds made up my mind that I needed a warm mug of coffee... back in Bloem preferably!
One went before me... So I am not the only crazy biker out in the freezing cold... making wee breaks to errrr strech the legs... cold weather and 3 cups of strong coffee do not help the miles go by.
The desolation of Karroo vistas... my heart is sometimes as hungry as these vast places... I am craving someone to share my dreams with again and somone has been texting me a few times this trip that I feel may just be the one to share with. I may be wrong...
Last picture of the trip as I stood freezing on the Lootsberg pass... there was even more snow around the corner! From here we had crosswinds, headwinds, tailwinds, a few drops of sleet and a conviction that something needed to be done...
Reaching Middelburg I decided to brave the wind and try for Colesberg, maybe staying overnight. When I saw the distance between Colesberg and Bloem I sent a text request for sustenance... ETA 7 pm it is. I think this is when the little arrow took effect. The rest of the day is history and engraved in my heart forever... Tomorrow is bright with possibility.
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering." R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)
Day 12 of 12 Days with Shrek

Time to get the brat with wings...

in the sights of my Barrett .50 sniper rifle.

Once again we are being bombarded with Valentines Day adverts... this is my uptake on the whole Commercial Cupidian Conspiracy. I need some depleted Uranium ammo, a good fire position and that will be the end of this critter... time to get me some cherubic wings... I hear they are quite crunchy dipped in chilli sauce.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in love, just not the type inflicted by my Nemesis with wings! Been there, done that! So Mr Cupid you are hereby warned, you are fair game and in my sights.
So to celebrate the stupid season I decided to put together another Screaming Tangerines playlist with a twist in the arrow... but damn... ambushed again... while compiling the list I was listening to "I'll Surrender" by Calienda, vocals by Linn aka Linda Bredschneyder and I think I have an arrow in my heart! The angelic voice of Linda got to me... ah well next year.. this is a pic from the website. Can you blame me?
Back to the playlist... Called Bullet For Cupid.
74 tracks in playlist, average track length: 4:20 Playlist length: 5 hours 21 minutes 10 seconds.

1. Placebo - Bulletproof Cupid (2:22)
2. Sentenced - Bleed in my arms (5:09)
3. Evanescence - All That I M Living For (3:48)
4. Gregorian Masters of Chant - Stop crying your heart out (5:16)
5. Crowded House - Into temptation (3:52)
6. Moon - Thoughts (3:44)
7. MacAngel - Love Is The Hunter (3:26)
8. Theuns Jordaan - Soos bloed (3:30)
9. Nick Kamen - Each time you break my heart (6:19)
10. No Mercy - Missing (4:01)
11. Delta Goodrem - Lost Without You (4:08)
12. Roxette - I didn't want to get hurt (4:16)
13. Peter Gabriel feat. Kate Bush - Don't Give Up (7:36)
14. Spice Girls - Viva forever (5:10)
15. Jennifer Lopez - Ain't it funny (4:06)
16. Akira - Wanna be with you (3:06)
17. Frontline Assembly - Justify my love (4:59)
18. Dht - I Cant Be Your Friend (4:10)
19. Southside Spinners - Luvstruck 2005(Klubbheads Mix) (3:29)
20. Armin van Buuren - Burned With Desire (4:13)
21. Nicki French - I surrender (shanghai surprize radio edit) (3:51)
22. Mylo - In My Arms (Tocadisco's 'Zwischen Den Stühlen Mix') (5:52)
23. Dance Nation - Words (3:28)
24. Rachael Starr - Till There Was You (3:26)
25. Kylie Minogue - Love At First Sight (3:59)
26. Meck ft. Leo Sayer - Thunder In My Heart Again (3:00)
27. Ferry Corsten Pres. East West - The Love I Lost [Robert Nickson Mix] (8:08)
28. SOS - Just be good (3:39)
29. Jennifer Rush - Ring of ice (3:45)
30. Rikke - Gimme gotta gimme (3:28)
31. JMC ft Maria Liucci - The reason (3:30)
32. Imperio - Amor Infinitus (Album Version) (4:54)
33. DJ Bobo - I believe (2:54)
34. Love Bite - Take your time (3:46)
35. Shine 4 - Begin weer voor (3:15)
36. Pet Shop Boys - Love Is A Catastrophe (4:50)
37. Drop Dead Gorgeous - Pain (4:12)
38. Mark Knopfler - Romeo And Juliet(Live, Hamburg 2001) (9:33)
39. Jewel - Foolish Games (long) (5:44)
40. Dido - My lover's gone (4:26)
41. Dht - I Miss You (3:54)
42. Level 42 - Lessons In Love (4:03)
43. Rihanna - Unfaithful (white disc mix) (4:17)
44. Linn - Falling in love (3:24)
45. Jennifer Rush - I see a shadow (4:13)
46. Fragma - Every time you need me (3:32)
47. Kate Ryan - Love or lust (3:44)
48. C-Base - Superstring (3:42)
49. Delerium - Silence(dj tiesto) (6:02)
50. Iio - Is It Love [Radio Edit] (3:09)
51. Benassi Bros ft Dhany - Hit My Heart (5:08)
52. Calienda - I'll Surrender (3:38)
53. Marc van Linden - Real Thing (7:33)
54. Damae - Control (3:01)
55. DJ Bobo & Sandra - Secrets of Love (2006 Club Mix) (6:41)
56. ATB - Believe In Me (3:18)
57. Kate Ryan - Alive (3:31)
58. Royksopp - What Else Is There (5:17)
59. t.A.T.u. - All About Us (3:02)
60. Pet Shop Boys - Single bilingual (3:50)
61. HIM - Wicked game (4:06)
62. Cutting Crew - (I just) died in your arms tonight (4:41)
63. The Ronettes - Be My Baby (2:39)
64. Roxette - The Sweet Hello, The Sad Goodbye (4:49)
65. Gregorian - I still haven't found what I am looking for (4:50)
66. Jewel - Fragile Heart (3:21)
67. Sonja Heroldt - What do I do now (4:05)
68. Jak de Priester - My hart is in Intensive Care (4:13)
69. Pearl Jam - Last kiss (3:19)
70. Tommy James & The Shondelles - Crimson & Clover (3:28)
71. HIM - When love and death embrace (6:08)
72. The Awakening - Death Says Yes (5:23)
73. Rammstein - Mein herz brent (4:40)
74. Evanescence - Even In Death (4:09)

"Must, bid the Morn awake!
Sad Winter now declines,
Each bird doth choose a mate;
This day's Saint Valentine's.
For that good bishop's sake
Get up and let us see
What beauty it shall be
That Fortune us assigns."
Michael Drayton (1563 - 1631)