I never quite got that until these last few days. I was not going to comment on MJ but as things have happened that have bearing on celebrities and life in general that have to do with hero worship I am putting finger to keyboard. God is very clear in this regard and the consequence of not following His Word.
We have filled our modern lives with gods and idols, even going so far as to create a TV show to create idols! But it is the lesser idols and gods that do the most damage, the most insidious and harmful is what causes peer pressure. For when you look up to others for approval and worth you open yourself up to getting hurt and abused, very often without even realizing it. Only by loving God and having the realization of your worth in His eyes can protect you from this.
If I knew this when I was a kid I would have been a happier person, so would many others.
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, August 25, 2008
If you say so...
Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP) |
 Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving. |
Had to smile at this as this is how I feel at the moment... the weekend's National has smitten the party animal part of me... but it was a good weekend nevertheless. No one got seriously hurt... a few will be needing Voltaren for a while... especially in the Vets and Masters... pictures will be posted on another posting when I get around to getting the camera back from MoonDancer... without her there would have been none! Don't know what I would do without her!
"The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be. . . . Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others." Wilfred Peterson, This Week (Oct. 1, 1961)
Saturday, December 01, 2007
What have you done with it
When I look at what some people have achieved in their lives I sometimes get a chill because I have not climbed Mount Everest or run the Comrades or built homes for the homeless...
We live in times that seem to demand this from a person, sort of a price to pay for the opportunities that are available. Then I read a blog like Attitude of Gratitude and realise that all is not lost.
I have been able to not do a few things as well... I never smoked, never took drugs, never did a lot of negative things that I could have... because these things are also there to be done, just like the good things one can chose the bad as well.
Not that I am perfect at all, just an average person with all my faults as a human. I just made a choice not to do some of the things that were offered.
One of the biggest choices I made was to be a happy person, to be grateful for every sunrise and sunset, this has not been easy at all but since I have re connected with my Saviour it has become a lot easier. I believe being a grateful person and showing this in your life is maybe one of the greatest things you can do with your life.
We live in times that seem to demand this from a person, sort of a price to pay for the opportunities that are available. Then I read a blog like Attitude of Gratitude and realise that all is not lost.
I have been able to not do a few things as well... I never smoked, never took drugs, never did a lot of negative things that I could have... because these things are also there to be done, just like the good things one can chose the bad as well.
Not that I am perfect at all, just an average person with all my faults as a human. I just made a choice not to do some of the things that were offered.
One of the biggest choices I made was to be a happy person, to be grateful for every sunrise and sunset, this has not been easy at all but since I have re connected with my Saviour it has become a lot easier. I believe being a grateful person and showing this in your life is maybe one of the greatest things you can do with your life.
"Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for." Terry Lynn Taylor
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Going Home
LawDog tells a poignant story in his unique way over on his place, well worth a read.
This sort of ties up with my subject yesterday but on the other side of the coin where one wonders why people with these diseases seem to linger on in often horrible conditions and little quality of life. I do not wish to suffer that fate. Maybe one needs to clear this up with God in the living years and put in an order for a quick ticket back home?
John 14:1-3 (King James Version)
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
This sort of ties up with my subject yesterday but on the other side of the coin where one wonders why people with these diseases seem to linger on in often horrible conditions and little quality of life. I do not wish to suffer that fate. Maybe one needs to clear this up with God in the living years and put in an order for a quick ticket back home?
John 14:1-3 (King James Version)
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Lunchtime scribble
When there is faith - Robert Le Noury
When one door closes another opens,
when you finish one page there is another,
when one shooting star fades you see the moon.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
There is always a silver lining around that cloud.
There is a reason for each season.
When you ask it shall be given,
when cry you will be comforted,
when you rejoice the Angels sing.
There are more answers than questions.
There are more smiles than frowns.
There is a reason for living.
Faith teaches us these truths.
Faith holds fast when others dispair.
Faith is true when all else is vain.
I have had rather a long day so the above will have to do for today, it came to me while munching lunch today...
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith."
Saint Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)
When one door closes another opens,
when you finish one page there is another,
when one shooting star fades you see the moon.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
There is always a silver lining around that cloud.
There is a reason for each season.
When you ask it shall be given,
when cry you will be comforted,
when you rejoice the Angels sing.
There are more answers than questions.
There are more smiles than frowns.
There is a reason for living.
Faith teaches us these truths.
Faith holds fast when others dispair.
Faith is true when all else is vain.
I have had rather a long day so the above will have to do for today, it came to me while munching lunch today...
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith."
Saint Francis of Assisi (1181 - 1226)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Finding the fire within
This video and should make us all realize how awesomely wonderfully the Universe is being created before our very eyes.
This past Sunday I decided to tone down my blogging and other online activities to meditate with the Bible and have some solitude. It was not something I read in Scripture but an idea that I felt I had to carry out. I am so glad I did because very often I do not...
On Monday loaded all my Christian, instrumental and classic music... I have been missing this. Checked my mail and answered what had to be done then went back to some cleaning... both of the flat and my soul. My reading for the day was Colossians 2:10 how we are completed in Him with the Holy Spirit and 4:12 where we are reminded to pray for one another.
On Tuesday I did what was needed for the weeks reports then I went shopping for some music, I was looking for some Gregorian Chants and managed to find 2 albums... One by Canto Gregiano and the other by St Dominic's Priory... plus I bought Daughtry... their songs just touch my soul but I will be listening to them later this week, in the meantime my soul has a hunger for Chant... something in the Latin words is just filling a hunger in my heart plus all my Christian music... I must listen to it more often and get Winamp to play more of it. My reading for the day was Psalm 119... a prayer for purification, sanctification, blessings and guidance. Read the whole psalm, you will be astounded.
On Wednesday I had a Physio appointment... She is very happy with my progress and attitude. I also had electro therapy... at first I felt nothing but as the current started to stimulate my nerves it kicked in, a pleasant tingle. Since then the exercises have been easier to do. I compare it to becoming aware of how the Holy Spirit has slowly revitalised my spiritual life.
I was also invited for a drink by my best friend at their bike club, I had quite a good time but the amazing thing was that I got a chance to have a chat to another biker that is planning a trip on his father's bike, something they had spoken about but never done as the father had been killed in a car accident a while ago. I gave him a short version of my 12 days in the Cape and encouraged him to do the adventure they had planned as tribute and witness to his fathers memory. Never say no to following a shared dream, even if one of you is no longer there. God speed Max and go with the memory of your dad and the best wishes from me. I will be thinking of you. As I drove home in the spring rain I knew that rejuvenation had returned to the dry countryside as well. My reading for the day was just browsing through and reading some passages I had underlined in the past, a sort of review of where I was and had come from. Amazing how many times the word seven is used, yet my concordance has no references to look up... I think this is a study on it's own so I am going to do so some time soon.
On Thursday I read some of my regular blogstops and found that somehow they were also having introspective episodes... quite amazing as their experiences sort of found an echo in my soul. Just Peachy was giving advice on keys, Scully has also taken a break and her next one is also a good read.
But BWH's one had me smiling because I feel like partying as well after realising that I have been welcomed back with open arms. The reading for the day was Isaiah 59:17 and Ephesians 6:10-18, how we are to armour ourselves and be a witness. Just like I should have had all the kit on the day of my accident we have to dress for spiritual success.
On Friday we said goodbye to my assistant at work, Monday means I have to start training a new assistant... Then I dropped off M as he and the Lady Cheetahs are on their way to Pretoria for the Semi finals... Holding thumbs for Saturday's game. Watched some of the RWC games and had an early night. The reading for the day was from quite a few passages, almost a summary of Renewal if you like; Psalm 51:10 Renewal and Cleansing, Isaiah 40:31 and Psalm 103:5 given the Strength of eagles, 2 Corinthians 4:16 Renewal of our spiritual being, Ephesians 4:23 Renewal of our Attitude and Romans 12:2 our minds being renewed to focus on God's will. WOW
On Saturday Shrek got delivered and I parked it on it's spot in the carport, had this urge to kit up and take a spin... that will have to wait till I can put weight on my leg (sigh)... Then I went to visit my best friend, to chew some cud and have a chat about bikes and life. After that I headed to the MX track and had a ball until the sun set trying out the sprinkler system with Anton and watching all the guys practice... the smell of damp earth, petrol and exhaust fumes made me feel so alive again. Now that the track is watered more often we have more and more blokes wanting to ride and join... this was money well spent and I am also thankful to all the firms that chipped in to fund the system. This sport is now so part of my life I cannot think of not being involved in some way or another. Then we all headed to Duggie's place for a sundowner...Caught the last few minutes of the Sharks/Cheetahs game... The Cheetahs won... both the Currie Cup team and the ladies team that my son M assists as sport scientist, he had sms'd me earlier the day, I am so glad that his team is on the way to the final, all his and the coaches hard work this season has paid off and it is another notch in his CV. My kids make me so proud! L has been busy all the time this break with assignments, I would have left them for next term if I was in her shoes. The reading was Isaiah 41:10, God assures us of his presence... and on Sunday Pastor had a sermon based on Revelation 3:20-23 on how we can Overcome the world through the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives and it just summed up what has been happening all week on a spiritual level. So looking back I realise it was the Holy Spirit that had put that idea of taking a break in my head... He wanted to spend some time with me and I was blessed to be obedient. So next time you have a crazy idea it may well be a prompt from Heaven for you to find the Fire Within. I have...
This is the second awesome video and should make us all realize how awesomely wonderfully we are created. Pity about the commercial at the end though, not my favourite make of car, now if it were Subaru...
It's the thirst for approval, validation and justification, from sources outside of yourself, that blinds you to the fact that they need not be earned.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Lessons from walls
This posting has been long in gestation and today in Church I got the final threads to finish it off as promised previously... It is neither a lengthy or noble dissertation, just something that I have felt needs to be said.
Life is a procession, some may call it a comedy of errors, others call it a learning process. I call it an adventure these days...We all get hurt by life at some time or another, some build defensive walls and attitudes to protect them from the hurt. Others carry on regardless in their selfish ways. Others hide away in despair. Others take on the poisoned chains of pride.
Then there are people that want to throw off the yoke of past experiences to be able to live again as we are supposed to.Joyfully and adventurously.I am one of those people, but before I could do that I had to love myself again, to see that even with my bruised ego, broken heart and mangled self worth I was a person that was worthy to be a creature of joy again. Part of this was accepting and realizing that God loved me no matter what I did or had done. He had made me and He had loved me enough to create a way for me to be with Him eternally. How could I doubt my worth if the God of creation considered me worthy?
Once this was out of the way I realized that I had to get rid of my fortress that I had built around me as a result of past experiences.I had to get my psyche naked, this was the toughest part, because when you are exposed like this the flame of a passing soul is like a blowtorch, some have a flame of hatred, others of jealousy, even friendship scorches...
However if you persevere the freedom of not hiding behind a wall or mask is bliss itself, you know that you mean what you say and do what you mean. This honesty is sometimes disconcerting to others catching them off guard and flowing over them like a tsunami. I keep forgetting that part...
What I also have found is that I have lost the art of picking up hidden cues... I do not expect them because of my directness and openness... why should others play games when I cannot? But they do, mostly not intentionally but on a constant basis... I have to retrain myself to read these signs I suppose. Then I go read a recent study on kisses and I seem to be once again the exception to the rule as my goal when kissing is not to end up in the boudoir... I put a lot of emotional value in a kiss, to me a kiss is not part of what they say, a kiss is like cement for my heart, it fills in the cracks and makes me whole again. Yes it does set my heart racing but it also tells me that I am not alone in the adventure of life or the building of a relationship. Without a kiss it just a great friendship... but with a kiss once in a while there is a hint of something that may well grow to become that once in lifetime experience.
Being a gentleman is also a given when one has chosen the path I have, considering the other person and respecting their wishes is worth it, trust me, as the other way of being a boor and throwing a tantrum is not going to get you any points either. What I am talking about is when you have told the object of your affections your feelings, respect what you get back, I know it is hard to have to reign in your emotions but unless you expect instant gratification you are far better off being a friend than earning instant enmity. I actually think that the Victorian era had perfected this as a man would very often court a woman for many years before even telling her what he felt, rather getting to know her over time through many conversations and countless letters... we have forgotten that art gentlemen! Time to back track and do things in a proper and fitting fashion I believe. Chastity has it's own reward...
However as mentioned in a previous post, I think modern men are losers when it comes to understanding their purpose in the scheme of things, I am not excusing myself either, I have learnt that lesson well and have been shown the error of my ways regarding our responsibility to children we bring into the world. Only when we understand what the true meaning of being a Gentleman is will this change. Leaving a child in the lurch is a cowardly way to excuse
yourself from your responsibility. Just as God loves you you should love that child and do all you can to provide for this gift you received. At the same time if you had followed the proper order of things you may well never have gotten in this place at all... passion has both a price and a place.
Now all I want is to nurture those I love, to protect and serve and lead by example, in some small way show them the love I have been shown. When I see one of them hurting I wish I could take that cloak and put it on myself and bear their pain instead. I cry more easily because of this... I seem pray more often as well.
Lastly I leave you with this test of love that I only recently came to understand in full and without this any relationship is doomed to failure:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
Life is a procession, some may call it a comedy of errors, others call it a learning process. I call it an adventure these days...We all get hurt by life at some time or another, some build defensive walls and attitudes to protect them from the hurt. Others carry on regardless in their selfish ways. Others hide away in despair. Others take on the poisoned chains of pride.
Then there are people that want to throw off the yoke of past experiences to be able to live again as we are supposed to.Joyfully and adventurously.I am one of those people, but before I could do that I had to love myself again, to see that even with my bruised ego, broken heart and mangled self worth I was a person that was worthy to be a creature of joy again. Part of this was accepting and realizing that God loved me no matter what I did or had done. He had made me and He had loved me enough to create a way for me to be with Him eternally. How could I doubt my worth if the God of creation considered me worthy?
Once this was out of the way I realized that I had to get rid of my fortress that I had built around me as a result of past experiences.I had to get my psyche naked, this was the toughest part, because when you are exposed like this the flame of a passing soul is like a blowtorch, some have a flame of hatred, others of jealousy, even friendship scorches...
However if you persevere the freedom of not hiding behind a wall or mask is bliss itself, you know that you mean what you say and do what you mean. This honesty is sometimes disconcerting to others catching them off guard and flowing over them like a tsunami. I keep forgetting that part...
What I also have found is that I have lost the art of picking up hidden cues... I do not expect them because of my directness and openness... why should others play games when I cannot? But they do, mostly not intentionally but on a constant basis... I have to retrain myself to read these signs I suppose. Then I go read a recent study on kisses and I seem to be once again the exception to the rule as my goal when kissing is not to end up in the boudoir... I put a lot of emotional value in a kiss, to me a kiss is not part of what they say, a kiss is like cement for my heart, it fills in the cracks and makes me whole again. Yes it does set my heart racing but it also tells me that I am not alone in the adventure of life or the building of a relationship. Without a kiss it just a great friendship... but with a kiss once in a while there is a hint of something that may well grow to become that once in lifetime experience.
Being a gentleman is also a given when one has chosen the path I have, considering the other person and respecting their wishes is worth it, trust me, as the other way of being a boor and throwing a tantrum is not going to get you any points either. What I am talking about is when you have told the object of your affections your feelings, respect what you get back, I know it is hard to have to reign in your emotions but unless you expect instant gratification you are far better off being a friend than earning instant enmity. I actually think that the Victorian era had perfected this as a man would very often court a woman for many years before even telling her what he felt, rather getting to know her over time through many conversations and countless letters... we have forgotten that art gentlemen! Time to back track and do things in a proper and fitting fashion I believe. Chastity has it's own reward...
However as mentioned in a previous post, I think modern men are losers when it comes to understanding their purpose in the scheme of things, I am not excusing myself either, I have learnt that lesson well and have been shown the error of my ways regarding our responsibility to children we bring into the world. Only when we understand what the true meaning of being a Gentleman is will this change. Leaving a child in the lurch is a cowardly way to excuse
yourself from your responsibility. Just as God loves you you should love that child and do all you can to provide for this gift you received. At the same time if you had followed the proper order of things you may well never have gotten in this place at all... passion has both a price and a place.
Now all I want is to nurture those I love, to protect and serve and lead by example, in some small way show them the love I have been shown. When I see one of them hurting I wish I could take that cloak and put it on myself and bear their pain instead. I cry more easily because of this... I seem pray more often as well.
Lastly I leave you with this test of love that I only recently came to understand in full and without this any relationship is doomed to failure:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Restoring
I went to church with KatieB today... it was awesome and I felt at home. God has restored so much in my life and this was the icing on the cake. This spiritual restoration has been an adventure of it's own and I can see how all the other things I have done have also been reinforcing my faith.
No, this does not mean that my blog will go evangelical but I will always praise God for the things He has done in my life, if you are not ashamed of calling yourself a Christian you should not be ashamed of giving thanks to God either.
Something I am putting on top of my list is restoring our young people to God... I believe it has to be done by example...
Once again my planned missive is on hold will need some touching up and restoring... it will get done, when I stop having things shown to me. Maybe I should just lock myself away for a week in a monastery... not that we have any here.
"Give not over thy soul to sorrow; and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. Gladness of heart is the life of man and the joyfulness of man is length of days." Ecclesiastes
No, this does not mean that my blog will go evangelical but I will always praise God for the things He has done in my life, if you are not ashamed of calling yourself a Christian you should not be ashamed of giving thanks to God either.
Something I am putting on top of my list is restoring our young people to God... I believe it has to be done by example...
Once again my planned missive is on hold will need some touching up and restoring... it will get done, when I stop having things shown to me. Maybe I should just lock myself away for a week in a monastery... not that we have any here.
"Give not over thy soul to sorrow; and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. Gladness of heart is the life of man and the joyfulness of man is length of days." Ecclesiastes
Monday, August 27, 2007
è finito
I finished the book, Leonardo was a fascinating person but also very human.
His inventions like this parachute were way before the time and technology. What struck me was the way he sorted out his affairs before he died, not many people get to do this as I was reminded so rudely last week. His biggest regret seemed to be that there were still so many things to discover and that he had been tardy in his pursuit of knowledge. I think most of us can feel this way in today's hectic world, that is why each day should be dealt with on it's own.
I believe we should give thanks for the day that is done when we lay our head down to sleep, thanks for the things done and accomplished, thanks for another adventure, thanks for another day we could be our best.
Tomorrow is something to be tackled on it's own and for this we should give thanks when we wake up tomorrow as we face the adventure of another day on this spinning blue dot.
As a Nadia Ali fan I will end this with the words from one of IIO's songs called At the End... Their dance music makes me feel alive when I listen to it and the lyrics make me think.
At The End - Nadia Ali
When you're away, I'm feeling empty
I lose my mind
But when you're around, I take for granted
Most of our time
Honey you say that I'm cold
And sometimes I'm out of control
Baby, you know how I am, at the end, you're always mine
I don't mean to when I hurt you
But I need you, I can show you
Just let me be when I'm crazy,
At the end you're still my only.
At the end [x3]
Right when you're gone, I really miss you
You got my heart.
When you come back, I just wanna kiss you
And it tears you apart.
Honey do make me stay,
Believe me it's better this way.
Baby I'm true and I'm real.
I'm giving you all that I feel.
[Chorus x2]
Sweety, I'm trying my best,
To give you the most and the less.
Darling, I'm true and I'm real,
I'm giving you all that I feel.
[Chorus x2]
"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new." Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Kipped
Not much happened while I slept I hope?
Hopefully I can get back to reading Leonardo Da Vinci's bio tomorrow.
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." Jack London (1876 - 1916)
Hopefully I can get back to reading Leonardo Da Vinci's bio tomorrow.
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." Jack London (1876 - 1916)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ugg the caveman thinks
he cannot hunt Mammoths because they can read his mind... then again it may be because he is of the Mammoth Clan?
I seem to have cast a puzzle earlier today by using Ugg and his hunting skills, or lack thereof... so I will have to explain in detail I suppose.
Being a Gemini I am a multidimensional person... or as normal mortals say, "Slightly daft, with split personalities." one of them is my caveman side that emerges when things puzzle and confuse me, then like a caveman I go hunting. By hunting I mean introspection and doing things I like that help me make sense of things.
Anyone that has been reading my blogs will sense that I have had a crush on someone and have been in mope mode ever since because the object of affection is not on the same wavelength...
However, before I do the Tsunami thing let me explain that I have realized why I feel so rejected and also know that I have no reason to feel this way. I did this to myself after all!
Experiencing a crush is a physiological and psychological thing and I have been able to understand the why and how of this whole Cupid induced madness and get over it and get back to just the wonderful friendship.
The rejection however is due to something I had not dealt with, I went and looked at my life since 2000 and I found that I had never faced up to why I always seem to be so crushed when any relationship seems to be going no where. An after effect of going through a divorce I would imagine...
I even went so far as to type up a posting especially after TUT sent me a rather cryptic message that seemed to confirm how I was feeling... I am putting it here just to be able to analyse it from a distance so to speak. The TUT message is in Italics by the way...
I titled it: Ummm yeah... talking in my sleep...
"Do you realize that you have never heard anything, from anyone, that you did not want to hear? Pretty tricky of you." Mmm... that is a hidden meaning if ever... but I hear it loud and clear and bow down before You in humility and wonder at your Infinite Wisdom, meanwhile tears stream down my cheeks as I realise I am lost once again... Would it be too much to ask to grant my wish?
No it is more than a wish, it is my life, my desire, my being, poured out like blood...
Must I chisel it out on tablets of stone?
Must I do penance forever for something I do not know I have done?
Answer me... this pain is too much to bear.
How is it that one can love so much that it causes pain, so much that it makes another person afraid?
This impotence, this inability to break down walls is wearing me down.
If this is how it ends I never want to love again.
I would sacrifice all I am to be the one...But then I would have lost a friend and I realise that that would be the greatest tragedy. So release me from this prison, let me be free, let my emotions fade away, let my eyes stop being hungry, let my heart be calm. This I beg of Thee.
So there... that was yesterday... now I look back and laugh and I am so glad I never posted it when I did, it would have been taken in the wrong context and most probably blown up in my face.
I was feeling that way because I was misreading everything, only hearing what I wanted to and not stopping to think that I am not being rejected as a friend or even physically but because this brought back feelings from the past I reacted as if I was not acceptable company any more... a pain so intense that eats away at reason. After doing some reading I found this that helped me realise what I have had so long...
Rejection sensitivity
Individuals differ widely in their level of rejection sensitivity. According to Geraldine Downey and her colleagues at Columbia University, rejection sensitivity is a tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection.[7] For those who have a high level of rejection sensitivity, an ambiguous social interaction may be perceived as rejection. This can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Individual differences in rejection sensitivity are believed to be the result of previous rejection experiences, particularly childhood experiences with parents and peers. This is consistent with attachment theory, but so far, there is little empirical evidence of the early causes of rejection sensitivity
Since then things have come into focus and I have rejected rejection and accepted the hand of friendship and looked at those words again. I will be listening more from now on that's for sure.
As I seem to still be in a juvenile stage of life I find the following very apt to today's subject in my diary;
I really think that I am starting to get it right, it just took a long time for me to grow up I suppose, I have always felt 18 years old in any case... Oh the Guinea Fowl bit?
That was just me thinking of another animal and it's atributes. They are tough critters by the way and always go about their business in a jovial gregarious sort of way, when I see them on campus they always seem to be having fun along with their day to day foraging. I think we should be like them as well... Nice to see somone is back to blogging as well with a stunning photo and a theme to think over as well... It certainly helped me put things in perspective...
"In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection." Farrah Gray
I seem to have cast a puzzle earlier today by using Ugg and his hunting skills, or lack thereof... so I will have to explain in detail I suppose.
Being a Gemini I am a multidimensional person... or as normal mortals say, "Slightly daft, with split personalities." one of them is my caveman side that emerges when things puzzle and confuse me, then like a caveman I go hunting. By hunting I mean introspection and doing things I like that help me make sense of things.
Anyone that has been reading my blogs will sense that I have had a crush on someone and have been in mope mode ever since because the object of affection is not on the same wavelength...
However, before I do the Tsunami thing let me explain that I have realized why I feel so rejected and also know that I have no reason to feel this way. I did this to myself after all!
Experiencing a crush is a physiological and psychological thing and I have been able to understand the why and how of this whole Cupid induced madness and get over it and get back to just the wonderful friendship.
The rejection however is due to something I had not dealt with, I went and looked at my life since 2000 and I found that I had never faced up to why I always seem to be so crushed when any relationship seems to be going no where. An after effect of going through a divorce I would imagine...
I even went so far as to type up a posting especially after TUT sent me a rather cryptic message that seemed to confirm how I was feeling... I am putting it here just to be able to analyse it from a distance so to speak. The TUT message is in Italics by the way...
I titled it: Ummm yeah... talking in my sleep...
"Do you realize that you have never heard anything, from anyone, that you did not want to hear? Pretty tricky of you." Mmm... that is a hidden meaning if ever... but I hear it loud and clear and bow down before You in humility and wonder at your Infinite Wisdom, meanwhile tears stream down my cheeks as I realise I am lost once again... Would it be too much to ask to grant my wish?
No it is more than a wish, it is my life, my desire, my being, poured out like blood...
Must I chisel it out on tablets of stone?
Must I do penance forever for something I do not know I have done?
Answer me... this pain is too much to bear.
How is it that one can love so much that it causes pain, so much that it makes another person afraid?
This impotence, this inability to break down walls is wearing me down.
If this is how it ends I never want to love again.
I would sacrifice all I am to be the one...But then I would have lost a friend and I realise that that would be the greatest tragedy. So release me from this prison, let me be free, let my emotions fade away, let my eyes stop being hungry, let my heart be calm. This I beg of Thee.
So there... that was yesterday... now I look back and laugh and I am so glad I never posted it when I did, it would have been taken in the wrong context and most probably blown up in my face.
I was feeling that way because I was misreading everything, only hearing what I wanted to and not stopping to think that I am not being rejected as a friend or even physically but because this brought back feelings from the past I reacted as if I was not acceptable company any more... a pain so intense that eats away at reason. After doing some reading I found this that helped me realise what I have had so long...
Rejection sensitivity
Individuals differ widely in their level of rejection sensitivity. According to Geraldine Downey and her colleagues at Columbia University, rejection sensitivity is a tendency to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and over-react to social rejection.[7] For those who have a high level of rejection sensitivity, an ambiguous social interaction may be perceived as rejection. This can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Individual differences in rejection sensitivity are believed to be the result of previous rejection experiences, particularly childhood experiences with parents and peers. This is consistent with attachment theory, but so far, there is little empirical evidence of the early causes of rejection sensitivity
Since then things have come into focus and I have rejected rejection and accepted the hand of friendship and looked at those words again. I will be listening more from now on that's for sure.
As I seem to still be in a juvenile stage of life I find the following very apt to today's subject in my diary;
[via FoxyTunes / The Ataris]
Here in this diary I write you visions of my summer
It was the best I ever had
There were choruses and sing alongs
And that unspoken feeling of knowing
That right now is all that matters
All the nights we stayed up talking
Listening to 80's songs
And quoting lines from all those movies that we love
It still brings a smile to my face
I guess when it comes down to it
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
Breaking into hotel swimming pools
And wreaking havoc on our world
Hanging out at truck stops
Just to pass the time
The blacktop singing me to sleep
Lighting fireworks in parking lots
Illuminate the blackest nights
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky
2015 Riverside, it's time to say goodbye
Get on the bus, it's time to go
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
(Get it right)
Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
These are the best days of our lives
The only thing that matters is just following your heart
And eventually you'll finally get it right
I really think that I am starting to get it right, it just took a long time for me to grow up I suppose, I have always felt 18 years old in any case... Oh the Guinea Fowl bit?
That was just me thinking of another animal and it's atributes. They are tough critters by the way and always go about their business in a jovial gregarious sort of way, when I see them on campus they always seem to be having fun along with their day to day foraging. I think we should be like them as well... Nice to see somone is back to blogging as well with a stunning photo and a theme to think over as well... It certainly helped me put things in perspective...
"In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection." Farrah Gray
Monday, August 06, 2007
Chilly August Night
As a counterpoint to Neil Diamond's concert and album, today was a miserable windy day and the weather forecast is even bleaker... thank goodness the bad weather has lifted somewhat in our lives though. I believe that it is partly due to the fact that I will not let bad things bring me down and make me start worrying, I hand the worry part over to my Problem Solver. He has a way of sorting things out in amazing ways.
We on Earth should also be thankful we do not have Martian weather, at present there are planet wide dust storms raging, I cannot imagine that here, we are blessed to have this Blue Dot to call our home. We should learn to look after it better but also keep in mind that a lot we see these days is not caused by our hand, sometimes that big old glowing ball in the sky gets a bit brighter... and heats up the whole Solar system...
Enough of that... I am so glad the KatieB's friend M was only shaken up in the crash that totalled his bakkie today, I really believe that a Guardian Angel had a hand in that close shave as well, another thing to say thank you for today!
Coming back to the title, my favourite song from Neil's album Hot August Night is Sweet Caroline, here are the words...
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Where it began, I can't begin to know when
But then I know it's growing strong
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would
And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you
Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would
Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good
Funny how some of this songs words are sort of relevant to my current friendship, KatieB has been around in my motocross life circle since more or less when I started this blog but we have only recently really connected, sometimes you miss the tree for the woods I suppose but sooner or later you notice the one that has always been there like an Oak, dependable and strong. Sorry... that is not a good analogy at all for the lady in question! But I think she will understand what I mean. She has the knack to read my mind...
Oh the life circle idea? That is the circle of friends and acquaintances one has in one's life at work and play... Someting I may blog about one day, I have added it as a label so I suppose I am commited to do so some time?
"One of the things about being a grown-up is learning how to act right even when you feel wrong." Sean Stewart, Perfect Circle, 2004
We on Earth should also be thankful we do not have Martian weather, at present there are planet wide dust storms raging, I cannot imagine that here, we are blessed to have this Blue Dot to call our home. We should learn to look after it better but also keep in mind that a lot we see these days is not caused by our hand, sometimes that big old glowing ball in the sky gets a bit brighter... and heats up the whole Solar system...
Enough of that... I am so glad the KatieB's friend M was only shaken up in the crash that totalled his bakkie today, I really believe that a Guardian Angel had a hand in that close shave as well, another thing to say thank you for today!
Coming back to the title, my favourite song from Neil's album Hot August Night is Sweet Caroline, here are the words...
Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
Where it began, I can't begin to know when
But then I know it's growing strong
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would
And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you
Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would
Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good
Funny how some of this songs words are sort of relevant to my current friendship, KatieB has been around in my motocross life circle since more or less when I started this blog but we have only recently really connected, sometimes you miss the tree for the woods I suppose but sooner or later you notice the one that has always been there like an Oak, dependable and strong. Sorry... that is not a good analogy at all for the lady in question! But I think she will understand what I mean. She has the knack to read my mind...
Oh the life circle idea? That is the circle of friends and acquaintances one has in one's life at work and play... Someting I may blog about one day, I have added it as a label so I suppose I am commited to do so some time?
"One of the things about being a grown-up is learning how to act right even when you feel wrong." Sean Stewart, Perfect Circle, 2004
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Will my arms be strong enough
Inner strength comes from outside ourselves, this I know, this I have experienced, having passed through divorce and all the related self pity and recrimination I can look back and see that my arms were never strong enough because I relied on my own strength, I had to pass through the fire that removed the dross and exposed my soul for me to see what was lacking. When I saw what I saw I was brought to my knees. Today I am stronger because I am no longer reliant on my own arms but the arms of someone that is always there to take hold and guide, always there to support and comfort. I may not evangelise and shout it out loud on every street corner but without God I am nothing. I do not claim to be a devout churchgoer either but I know what I know. So to those that do not believe God exists, brother I pray for you but I cannot convince you, your own soul has to do that.
In lighter vein I came across a song by BWO, wacky band name list candidate if ever by the way, that fits in with the idea and inspired me to use it as a theme for today and for me to once again put together a Screaming Tangerines play list. No they are not turning gospel but they will as always convey a message through the play list. I love having this one fantasy of being a lead singer in my own rock band, so bear with me, I also play a mean air guitar... when no one is watching. You do not need strong arms for that! Here is the song's words... and video!
Will my arms be strong enough - BWO
Walking through the empty rooms
The halls and lawns where children used to play
I can write the storyline
From secrets of the past
Looking through the doom and gloom
The chapel where you bent your knees to pray
I can feel a heart resigned
From love that's meant to last
Now I know what you've been through
The tears you've tried to hide
Let me prove my trust in you
I'll stand right by your side
Will my arms be strong enough
To take you through the night
Will my arms be strong enough
To lead you to the light
Will my arms be strong enough
To dare you seize the day
Could it be love that gives the strength
To wash our sins away
Come and leave the past behind
Tonight we're on a journey to the stars
I have seen the promised sign
Where angels fear to fly
Now I know what you've been through
The tears you've tried to hide
Let me prove my trust in you
I'll stand right by your side
Will my arms be strong enough
To take you through the night
Will my arms be strong enough
To lead you to the light
Will my arms be strong enough
To dare you seize the day
Could it be love that gives the strength
To wash our sins away
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong
The play list is called Sanctuary and the reason is that I have found sanctuary in a very special friendship and I hope that I am able to offer the same in return, this afternoon at the party it was as boisterous as a bunch of kids around 7/8 years old can be but to me it was as if I had found the calmest place on the planet. Thanks for making me part of that world KatieB. Since teaming up with you every day has been an adventure of some sort or another, some have been tangible and others have been intangible. Every one has strengthened and inspired us, so I awake each day wondering what new mystery will be revealed to us.
So here are the Screaming Tangerines and Sanctuary:
109 tracks in play list, average track length: 4:18
Play list length: 7 hours 49 minutes 24 seconds
1. Utada Hikaru - Sanctuary (4:16)
2. Lobo - I'd love you to want me (3:34)
3. Solex - Close to the Edge (3:35)
4. Paul Hardcastle - Santify (4:38)
5. Danzel v DJ Frank - My arms keep missing you (franks edit) (7:41)
6. ATB - Ecstasy (Original Airplay Mix) (3:35)
7. Nadia Ali - At The End (album ver) (3:39)
8. Zhi-Vago - Celebrate the love (4:09)
9. Future Trance United - Irresistible (3:38)
10. Texas and Paul Buchanan - Sleep (Single Edit) (4:09)
11. Sash! - Mysterious times ft Tina Cousins (3:29)
12. Dido - Whiteflag (3:38)
13. 2 Vibez - Just 4 You (3:47)
14. Lasgo - Alone (Radio Edit) (4:02)
15. 4 Strings - Euphoric Eyes (3:20)
16. Eros Ramazzotti - Amica donna mia (4:07)
17. Joe Dolan - Make Me An Island (3:01)
18. IIO - At the end (Scumfrog Radio Edit) (3:45)
19. Lonestar - I'm already there (4:18)
20. Jan Johnston - Silent Words (Chiller Twist Destiny Remix) (10:00)
21. Eros Ramazzotti - Un Attimo Di Pace (4:37)
22. HIM - Right here in my arms (3:59)
23. Era2 - Hymne (4:54)
24. Future Trance United - Irresistible (3:38)
25. Sarah Brightman - Eden (3:49)
26. Gregorian - When a man loves a woman (4:52)
27. Delta Goodrem - Sanctuary (3:51)
28. Sash - Stand by me 2001 (5:20)
29. The Shuffles - Cha La La I Need You (3:20)
30. Dido - Take my hand (6:41)
31. Gladiator - Now we are free (4:15)
32. Toni Braxton - Un - Break My Heart (Soul Hex Anthem Vocal Mix) (5:53)
33. Mylo - In My Arms (Tocadisco's 'Zwischen Den Stühlen Mix') (5:52)
34. IIO - Rapture (club) (3:27)
35. Dido - All you want (3:53)
36. Gigi D'agostino - La Passion (3:25)
37. Lonestar - Amazed (huff mix) (4:02)
38. Kylie Minogue - It's In Your Eyes (3:22)
39. Peter Maffay - You (4:53)
40. Josh Groban - My Confession (4:56)
41. Zhi-Vago - Dreamer (4:02)
42. Novaspace - Run to you (2:52)
43. Bee Gees - Words (3:18)
44. BWO - Will My Arms Be Strong Enough (4:16)
45. Leigh Nash - Need To Be Next To You (3:45)
46. Paul Oakenfold - Hold your hand (3:40)
47. Cutting Crew - Just died in your arms tonight (4:38)
48. la cream - you (3:07)
49. Era2 - Infanati (4:29)
50. London Beat - I've Been Thinking About You (3:43)
51. Jon Secada - Just another day (5:24)
52. The Romantics - Talking in your sleep (3:55)
53. Fragma - Say that you're here-Liquid vocal mix (7:59)
54. Marc Almond and Gene Pitney - Something's gotten hold of my heart (4:40)
55. Robert Miles - One & One (Radio Version) (3:58)
56. ATB - I Dont Wanna Stop (3:34)
57. Cranberries - Promises (3:32)
58. Krystal - Eternity (3:40)
59. Ten Sharp - You (4:05)
60. Safri Duo - Everything (6:01)
61. IIO - Kiss you (ambient) (2:29)
62. Lambda - Hold on tight (Surge) (3:50)
63. Pop Parade - Here with me (3:30)
64. Hooverphonic - Eden (3:33)
65. Sarah McLachlan - In the arms of an angel (4:32)
66. Rave - Hold me in your arms (3:41)
67. ATB - Here With Me (3:37)
68. Mike Oldfield - Moonlight Shadow (ext ver) (5:12)
69. System85 - 5 Elements [system85 airplay mix] (4:12)
70. Ana Johnsson - We Are (3:55)
71. FR David - Words (3:25)
72. Melanie C - I turn to you(mix) (4:10)
73. Nightwish - Walking in the air (5:39)
74. Sonique - Another Moment (4:45)
75. Travis - Safe (4:25)
76. Calienda - I'll Surrender (3:38)
77. Nadia Ali - Is it love (4:27)
78. Delerium - Silence - Sanctuary-Medly mix (8:02)
79. Yazoo - Only you (3:10)
80. ATB - Hold you (club mix) (4:49)
81. kate ryan - alive (3:31)
82. Midge Ure - Breathe (4:25)
83. Bosson - I believe (Up-Tempo Version) (3:15)
84. Cher - The Music's No Good Without You (4:00)
85. Groove Coverage - What You See is What You Get (3:32)
86. Florida Inc. - Let Me Love You (3:02)
87. The Sweet - Love is like oxygen (4:00)
88. Nightwish - Forever yours (3:50)
89. Kate Ryan - Je T Adore (Eurovision Mix) (3:02)
90. Paula Cole - Where have all the cowboys gone (3:47)
91. Bosson - You opened my eyes (3:35)
92. ATB - Don't Stop (3:47)
93. Tina Cousins - Pray (3:57)
94. Nightwish - She is my sin (4:46)
95. Zucchero - Senza Una Donna (4:26)
96. Surreal - You Take My Breath Away-DJ Tiesto Vocal Mix. (8:29)
97. Kate Ryan - How many times (4:00)
98. Sonique - Sky (4:23)
99. Faith Hill - Breathe (Hex Hector radio edit #1) (3:56)
100. Midge Ure - If I Was (5:17)
101. Nianell - As One (3:43)
102. Dario G - Dream to Me (3:09)
103. Mike Oldfield - Innocent (12 inch mix) (5:30)
104. Tina Cousins - Hymn (Cj Stone Remix) (7:40)
105. Tina Cousins - Wonderful Life (Original Remix) (3:37)
106. Cranberries - Salvation (2:24)
107. One More Angel - Breathe (4:01)
108. Dido - Dido - Hunter (3:57)
109. DJ Tiësto - Walking On Clouds (7:24)
These songs always make me feel safe, warm and loved. Some are ancient favourites and some are fairly recent but all good to listen to.
The quote sums up my feelings I have for someone who has become my friend and adventure partner on this roller coaster we call life... may we share many unspeakable memories in future.
"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." George Eliot (1819 - 1880)
In lighter vein I came across a song by BWO, wacky band name list candidate if ever by the way, that fits in with the idea and inspired me to use it as a theme for today and for me to once again put together a Screaming Tangerines play list. No they are not turning gospel but they will as always convey a message through the play list. I love having this one fantasy of being a lead singer in my own rock band, so bear with me, I also play a mean air guitar... when no one is watching. You do not need strong arms for that! Here is the song's words... and video!
BWO - Will My Arms Be Strong Enough
[via FoxyTunes / Bodies Without Organs]
Will my arms be strong enough - BWO
Walking through the empty rooms
The halls and lawns where children used to play
I can write the storyline
From secrets of the past
Looking through the doom and gloom
The chapel where you bent your knees to pray
I can feel a heart resigned
From love that's meant to last
Now I know what you've been through
The tears you've tried to hide
Let me prove my trust in you
I'll stand right by your side
Will my arms be strong enough
To take you through the night
Will my arms be strong enough
To lead you to the light
Will my arms be strong enough
To dare you seize the day
Could it be love that gives the strength
To wash our sins away
Come and leave the past behind
Tonight we're on a journey to the stars
I have seen the promised sign
Where angels fear to fly
Now I know what you've been through
The tears you've tried to hide
Let me prove my trust in you
I'll stand right by your side
Will my arms be strong enough
To take you through the night
Will my arms be strong enough
To lead you to the light
Will my arms be strong enough
To dare you seize the day
Could it be love that gives the strength
To wash our sins away
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong enough
Will my arms be strong
The play list is called Sanctuary and the reason is that I have found sanctuary in a very special friendship and I hope that I am able to offer the same in return, this afternoon at the party it was as boisterous as a bunch of kids around 7/8 years old can be but to me it was as if I had found the calmest place on the planet. Thanks for making me part of that world KatieB. Since teaming up with you every day has been an adventure of some sort or another, some have been tangible and others have been intangible. Every one has strengthened and inspired us, so I awake each day wondering what new mystery will be revealed to us.
So here are the Screaming Tangerines and Sanctuary:
109 tracks in play list, average track length: 4:18
Play list length: 7 hours 49 minutes 24 seconds
1. Utada Hikaru - Sanctuary (4:16)
2. Lobo - I'd love you to want me (3:34)
3. Solex - Close to the Edge (3:35)
4. Paul Hardcastle - Santify (4:38)
5. Danzel v DJ Frank - My arms keep missing you (franks edit) (7:41)
6. ATB - Ecstasy (Original Airplay Mix) (3:35)
7. Nadia Ali - At The End (album ver) (3:39)
8. Zhi-Vago - Celebrate the love (4:09)
9. Future Trance United - Irresistible (3:38)
10. Texas and Paul Buchanan - Sleep (Single Edit) (4:09)
11. Sash! - Mysterious times ft Tina Cousins (3:29)
12. Dido - Whiteflag (3:38)
13. 2 Vibez - Just 4 You (3:47)
14. Lasgo - Alone (Radio Edit) (4:02)
15. 4 Strings - Euphoric Eyes (3:20)
16. Eros Ramazzotti - Amica donna mia (4:07)
17. Joe Dolan - Make Me An Island (3:01)
18. IIO - At the end (Scumfrog Radio Edit) (3:45)
19. Lonestar - I'm already there (4:18)
20. Jan Johnston - Silent Words (Chiller Twist Destiny Remix) (10:00)
21. Eros Ramazzotti - Un Attimo Di Pace (4:37)
22. HIM - Right here in my arms (3:59)
23. Era2 - Hymne (4:54)
24. Future Trance United - Irresistible (3:38)
25. Sarah Brightman - Eden (3:49)
26. Gregorian - When a man loves a woman (4:52)
27. Delta Goodrem - Sanctuary (3:51)
28. Sash - Stand by me 2001 (5:20)
29. The Shuffles - Cha La La I Need You (3:20)
30. Dido - Take my hand (6:41)
31. Gladiator - Now we are free (4:15)
32. Toni Braxton - Un - Break My Heart (Soul Hex Anthem Vocal Mix) (5:53)
33. Mylo - In My Arms (Tocadisco's 'Zwischen Den Stühlen Mix') (5:52)
34. IIO - Rapture (club) (3:27)
35. Dido - All you want (3:53)
36. Gigi D'agostino - La Passion (3:25)
37. Lonestar - Amazed (huff mix) (4:02)
38. Kylie Minogue - It's In Your Eyes (3:22)
39. Peter Maffay - You (4:53)
40. Josh Groban - My Confession (4:56)
41. Zhi-Vago - Dreamer (4:02)
42. Novaspace - Run to you (2:52)
43. Bee Gees - Words (3:18)
44. BWO - Will My Arms Be Strong Enough (4:16)
45. Leigh Nash - Need To Be Next To You (3:45)
46. Paul Oakenfold - Hold your hand (3:40)
47. Cutting Crew - Just died in your arms tonight (4:38)
48. la cream - you (3:07)
49. Era2 - Infanati (4:29)
50. London Beat - I've Been Thinking About You (3:43)
51. Jon Secada - Just another day (5:24)
52. The Romantics - Talking in your sleep (3:55)
53. Fragma - Say that you're here-Liquid vocal mix (7:59)
54. Marc Almond and Gene Pitney - Something's gotten hold of my heart (4:40)
55. Robert Miles - One & One (Radio Version) (3:58)
56. ATB - I Dont Wanna Stop (3:34)
57. Cranberries - Promises (3:32)
58. Krystal - Eternity (3:40)
59. Ten Sharp - You (4:05)
60. Safri Duo - Everything (6:01)
61. IIO - Kiss you (ambient) (2:29)
62. Lambda - Hold on tight (Surge) (3:50)
63. Pop Parade - Here with me (3:30)
64. Hooverphonic - Eden (3:33)
65. Sarah McLachlan - In the arms of an angel (4:32)
66. Rave - Hold me in your arms (3:41)
67. ATB - Here With Me (3:37)
68. Mike Oldfield - Moonlight Shadow (ext ver) (5:12)
69. System85 - 5 Elements [system85 airplay mix] (4:12)
70. Ana Johnsson - We Are (3:55)
71. FR David - Words (3:25)
72. Melanie C - I turn to you(mix) (4:10)
73. Nightwish - Walking in the air (5:39)
74. Sonique - Another Moment (4:45)
75. Travis - Safe (4:25)
76. Calienda - I'll Surrender (3:38)
77. Nadia Ali - Is it love (4:27)
78. Delerium - Silence - Sanctuary-Medly mix (8:02)
79. Yazoo - Only you (3:10)
80. ATB - Hold you (club mix) (4:49)
81. kate ryan - alive (3:31)
82. Midge Ure - Breathe (4:25)
83. Bosson - I believe (Up-Tempo Version) (3:15)
84. Cher - The Music's No Good Without You (4:00)
85. Groove Coverage - What You See is What You Get (3:32)
86. Florida Inc. - Let Me Love You (3:02)
87. The Sweet - Love is like oxygen (4:00)
88. Nightwish - Forever yours (3:50)
89. Kate Ryan - Je T Adore (Eurovision Mix) (3:02)
90. Paula Cole - Where have all the cowboys gone (3:47)
91. Bosson - You opened my eyes (3:35)
92. ATB - Don't Stop (3:47)
93. Tina Cousins - Pray (3:57)
94. Nightwish - She is my sin (4:46)
95. Zucchero - Senza Una Donna (4:26)
96. Surreal - You Take My Breath Away-DJ Tiesto Vocal Mix. (8:29)
97. Kate Ryan - How many times (4:00)
98. Sonique - Sky (4:23)
99. Faith Hill - Breathe (Hex Hector radio edit #1) (3:56)
100. Midge Ure - If I Was (5:17)
101. Nianell - As One (3:43)
102. Dario G - Dream to Me (3:09)
103. Mike Oldfield - Innocent (12 inch mix) (5:30)
104. Tina Cousins - Hymn (Cj Stone Remix) (7:40)
105. Tina Cousins - Wonderful Life (Original Remix) (3:37)
106. Cranberries - Salvation (2:24)
107. One More Angel - Breathe (4:01)
108. Dido - Dido - Hunter (3:57)
109. DJ Tiësto - Walking On Clouds (7:24)
These songs always make me feel safe, warm and loved. Some are ancient favourites and some are fairly recent but all good to listen to.
The quote sums up my feelings I have for someone who has become my friend and adventure partner on this roller coaster we call life... may we share many unspeakable memories in future.
"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." George Eliot (1819 - 1880)
Friday, August 03, 2007
There is no love like the love of a parent
Today I experienced this and the pain L was going through made me feel like crying out "why?" but I have this knowledge that no matter what, things will be better and that I will do all in my power to be the father she needs. I am not going to say what the problem was on the blog just that I am sure in my heart that even though this was a dark day in our lives it will not be able to bring us down and stop us from experiencing all the good things we were given today, they are like a searchlight lighting up the sky and focusing our thoughts on the outcome that will be good.
Once one has experienced the joy that we all should have no evil can take hold any more, it may try but it is powerless in the light of faith and hope.
So with this day almost a thing of the past and a very enjoyable evening spent celebrating KatieB's daughters birthday I look back and see more good things than bad. We all want the best for our children just as Our Father in Heaven does and we love them just as He loves us...
"Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves." Marcelene Cox
Once one has experienced the joy that we all should have no evil can take hold any more, it may try but it is powerless in the light of faith and hope.
So with this day almost a thing of the past and a very enjoyable evening spent celebrating KatieB's daughters birthday I look back and see more good things than bad. We all want the best for our children just as Our Father in Heaven does and we love them just as He loves us...
"Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves." Marcelene Cox
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Worthy
In a conversation via e-mail the subject of being worthy came up, this has been in my mind a while and I think today I will explain how I have come to believe that every person is worthy of not only respect from other people but that God deems them worthy.
I have this picture that was given to me during one of my times of self doubt. So here goes...
We all see the universe slightly differently because we all experience God differently but He is so concerned about every soul that He is able to be with each and every person as if it were that only they, God and the universe exists. Time and space do not exist to God as it does with us, he is able to be with everyone as if there was no time or distance. This to me is so amazing, this shows that His love is all encompassing and that He wants the best for all of us.
This love was manifest in His Son Jesus who came to remove the barrier of sin, guilt and remorse that we build up around us for things we have done as sinners. Because of this, we are once again connected on a one on one basis with God and His Universe he created for us so that we may know of His love for us. I believe that once a person realises this truth they can be the person that God intended, still a frail human but with the power that created all we see and all unseen by your side, how then can you not feel worthy or doubt that anything is not possible and that dreams cannot be fulfilled?
I do not claim to have all the answers but this one thing I know... God loves me... and you.
Phew... I do not usually talk about this in my blog but just feel that I had to say it, as I have experienced His love in my life in a very personal but amazing way and that I would truly be lost if I had not acknowledge that I needed Him to sit beside me every day. I am no Bible verse expert, I do not claim to be a regular worshipper nor am I a Holy man but I feel His presence with me every moment of my life and I can clearly see how this has shaped my views and life to date.
Today I close with more than one quote from people that I believe had the same vision I have been given...
"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse." Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997
"When a man takes one step toward God, God takes more steps toward that man than there are sands in the worlds of time." The Work of the Chariot
"Creativity is...seeing something that doesn't exist already. You need to find out how you can bring it into being and that way be a playmate with God." Michele Shea
"Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for." Terry Lynn Taylor
"It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him." Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
I have this picture that was given to me during one of my times of self doubt. So here goes...
We all see the universe slightly differently because we all experience God differently but He is so concerned about every soul that He is able to be with each and every person as if it were that only they, God and the universe exists. Time and space do not exist to God as it does with us, he is able to be with everyone as if there was no time or distance. This to me is so amazing, this shows that His love is all encompassing and that He wants the best for all of us.
This love was manifest in His Son Jesus who came to remove the barrier of sin, guilt and remorse that we build up around us for things we have done as sinners. Because of this, we are once again connected on a one on one basis with God and His Universe he created for us so that we may know of His love for us. I believe that once a person realises this truth they can be the person that God intended, still a frail human but with the power that created all we see and all unseen by your side, how then can you not feel worthy or doubt that anything is not possible and that dreams cannot be fulfilled?
I do not claim to have all the answers but this one thing I know... God loves me... and you.
Phew... I do not usually talk about this in my blog but just feel that I had to say it, as I have experienced His love in my life in a very personal but amazing way and that I would truly be lost if I had not acknowledge that I needed Him to sit beside me every day. I am no Bible verse expert, I do not claim to be a regular worshipper nor am I a Holy man but I feel His presence with me every moment of my life and I can clearly see how this has shaped my views and life to date.
Today I close with more than one quote from people that I believe had the same vision I have been given...
"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse." Emily Dickinson (1830 - 1886)
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997
"When a man takes one step toward God, God takes more steps toward that man than there are sands in the worlds of time." The Work of the Chariot
"Creativity is...seeing something that doesn't exist already. You need to find out how you can bring it into being and that way be a playmate with God." Michele Shea
"Gratitude is our most direct line to God and the angels. If we take the time, no matter how crazy and troubled we feel, we can find something to be thankful for." Terry Lynn Taylor
"It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him." Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Plumbtucker
I feel like a beaver that has just completed a huge dam wall... tired but satisfied with a job well done... Thanks KatieB your team was great! Anton, the track was awesome. The medics were top notch! The riders that pitched up were great sports. All in all a MX race of note... the ones that were not there are the poorer for not going to the trouble to race. I hope the word goes out that the race was Megalicious! Hope KatieB posts some pictures as I was just too busy.
Since KatieB enjoyed the song so much from "Sabbatical" here are the words to Here With Me by Dido;
I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here,
I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me.
The afforementioned playlist is rather long, so tonight I am dispensing with posting it, maybe as a post of it's own.
So to bed I go... satisfied with life and the Universe as it is... Thankful to my Creator that He willed it so...
Since KatieB enjoyed the song so much from "Sabbatical" here are the words to Here With Me by Dido;
I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here,
I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want but I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me
I won't leave, I can't hide, I cannot be, until you're resting here with me.
The afforementioned playlist is rather long, so tonight I am dispensing with posting it, maybe as a post of it's own.
So to bed I go... satisfied with life and the Universe as it is... Thankful to my Creator that He willed it so...
"The enemy came. He was beaten. I am tired. Goodnight." Vicomte Turenne, Message sent after the battle of Dunen, 658
Friday, July 27, 2007
Secrets and lies
Well the only lie is that there are no lies in this posting (that is oxymoronic) but the title just sounded good. Sometimes when one picks up a book in a bookstore you just know that you have to have it, so it was this evening on my way home. I stopped off at the Mall to get some Steers burgers and while waiting I popped in to Exclusive Books... saw that the new PopMech mag was out and then I saw the book... it lay beckoning... waiting to be opened and skimmed through... it had weight, far more than a book that size should have, like it contained a secret treasure waiting to be discovered... was it worth buying? 
Only time will tell if the secret of The Secret is revealed, so tonight it is me with the three B's... ummm no not Beer/Blonde/Book... but Book/Book/Bottle, hot water bottle that is plus my very own copy of Race to Dakar. 
The inspiration for my Big Dream , plus 3 cats as well... it is chilly and they usually come and pin me down on cold nights, not that I mind, having 3 living hot water bottles has it's advantages on crisp nights like tonight... Must try and get Long way Round as well...
L has been laid low by the winter bugs... so far I seem ummune and I ask for it to stay so each day, I hate having a cold or the flu, I would rather wrestle with a pack of wild boars thanks! I hope the meds start working soon, so glad she enjoyed the burger, I take that as a good sign. Gotta make some salad again tomorrow with plenty of sweet peppers, they have more Vit. C than citrus, especially the red or yellow ones...
Yesterday I also revealed a secret of sorts, albeit with much trepidation but in so doing got an answer that I had already known but having it confirmed today made me realise that by communicating with my whole being and with all tools available life becomes so much easier, both for myself and people I care deeply about. Looking back I can see I have made some progress in this thing called communication, something us men find so hard to do, we would rather go out "Hunting". More about that metaphor one day maybe, KatieB laid it out so well for me. Now where is that bow and arrow?
I just hope my communication tomorrow with the powers that be at MSA bear the same fruit.
This all reminds me of this song from yesteryear... 1983 in fact.
Talking In Your Sleep - Romantics
(Jimmy Marinos/Wally Palmar/Mike Skill/Coz Canler/Peter Solley)
When you close your eyes and go to sleep
And it's down to the sound of a heartbeat
I can hear the things that you're dreaming about
When you open up your heart and the truth comes out
CHORUS
You tell me that you want me
You tell me that you need me
You tell me that you love me
And I know that I'm right
Cuz I hear it in the night
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you're talking in your sleep
When I hold you in my arms at night
Don't you know you're sleeping in a spotlight
And all your dreams that you keep inside
You're telling me the secrets that you just can't hide
CHORUS
When you close your eyes and you fall asleep
Everything about you is a mystery
CHORUS
KatieB will appreciate the quote and yes, I am learning to tame the storm in my heart with sunscreen for my soul... communication, I really enjoyed our conversation this evening, there is an adventure in each one we have. No more Tsunamis for now... just a gentle brook running over pebbles, the water of communication gently shaping them as they rub against each other. Did I just write that? I think that is a keeper...
"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart." Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD)
PS - Very wierd... can only put 200 characters in the labels field... have I got too many labels now?
Only time will tell if the secret of The Secret is revealed, so tonight it is me with the three B's... ummm no not Beer/Blonde/Book... but Book/Book/Bottle, hot water bottle that is plus my very own copy of Race to Dakar. 
The inspiration for my Big Dream , plus 3 cats as well... it is chilly and they usually come and pin me down on cold nights, not that I mind, having 3 living hot water bottles has it's advantages on crisp nights like tonight... Must try and get Long way Round as well...
L has been laid low by the winter bugs... so far I seem ummune and I ask for it to stay so each day, I hate having a cold or the flu, I would rather wrestle with a pack of wild boars thanks! I hope the meds start working soon, so glad she enjoyed the burger, I take that as a good sign. Gotta make some salad again tomorrow with plenty of sweet peppers, they have more Vit. C than citrus, especially the red or yellow ones...
Yesterday I also revealed a secret of sorts, albeit with much trepidation but in so doing got an answer that I had already known but having it confirmed today made me realise that by communicating with my whole being and with all tools available life becomes so much easier, both for myself and people I care deeply about. Looking back I can see I have made some progress in this thing called communication, something us men find so hard to do, we would rather go out "Hunting". More about that metaphor one day maybe, KatieB laid it out so well for me. Now where is that bow and arrow?
I just hope my communication tomorrow with the powers that be at MSA bear the same fruit.
This all reminds me of this song from yesteryear... 1983 in fact.
Talking In Your Sleep - Romantics
(Jimmy Marinos/Wally Palmar/Mike Skill/Coz Canler/Peter Solley)
When you close your eyes and go to sleep
And it's down to the sound of a heartbeat
I can hear the things that you're dreaming about
When you open up your heart and the truth comes out
CHORUS
You tell me that you want me
You tell me that you need me
You tell me that you love me
And I know that I'm right
Cuz I hear it in the night
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you're talking in your sleep
When I hold you in my arms at night
Don't you know you're sleeping in a spotlight
And all your dreams that you keep inside
You're telling me the secrets that you just can't hide
CHORUS
When you close your eyes and you fall asleep
Everything about you is a mystery
CHORUS
KatieB will appreciate the quote and yes, I am learning to tame the storm in my heart with sunscreen for my soul... communication, I really enjoyed our conversation this evening, there is an adventure in each one we have. No more Tsunamis for now... just a gentle brook running over pebbles, the water of communication gently shaping them as they rub against each other. Did I just write that? I think that is a keeper...
"The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart." Saint Jerome (374 AD - 419 AD)
PS - Very wierd... can only put 200 characters in the labels field... have I got too many labels now?
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The truth is out there Scully
Sometimes you get whacked on the head while surfing the interwebs... Skywriter aka "Scully" is one of these gifted writers that have mastered the craft and make one realise that there is so much to do and improve upon.
On the other hand I do not blog to impress but to put my own thoughts, feelings and emotions into digital diary format to help me understand myself better. But I still stand in awe when I get whacked...
Another truth is that I have been baring my soul both here and in the real world, this can sometimes cause soul burn. Just like exposing your skin to the summer sun can cause it to blister and peel your soul can get burnt by wearing your heart on your sleeve, extremely painful and known to cause either permanent scars or to heal with no evidence that this ever happened, other times it actually transforms you making the sacrifice sweeter than the sweetest muscadel. I now have the knowledge that I have found a friend more precious than a tumultuous affair and worthy beyond compare... why do I then still miss the physical? Time will tell I suppose... looking back in 20 years time I will probably know the answer why this amazing friendship came across my path.
Then I also have this list of truths that I have found very helpful at such times, just like KatieB I think I will share what I found to be some important maxims in the daily grind of things, so here are 45 instructions for life...
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry",look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at any one's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,"Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth...and yourself.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Of course my two favourite is the last one and number nine... typical for a Gemini I hear...
"The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously." Henry Kissinger (1923 - )
On the other hand I do not blog to impress but to put my own thoughts, feelings and emotions into digital diary format to help me understand myself better. But I still stand in awe when I get whacked...
Another truth is that I have been baring my soul both here and in the real world, this can sometimes cause soul burn. Just like exposing your skin to the summer sun can cause it to blister and peel your soul can get burnt by wearing your heart on your sleeve, extremely painful and known to cause either permanent scars or to heal with no evidence that this ever happened, other times it actually transforms you making the sacrifice sweeter than the sweetest muscadel. I now have the knowledge that I have found a friend more precious than a tumultuous affair and worthy beyond compare... why do I then still miss the physical? Time will tell I suppose... looking back in 20 years time I will probably know the answer why this amazing friendship came across my path.
Then I also have this list of truths that I have found very helpful at such times, just like KatieB I think I will share what I found to be some important maxims in the daily grind of things, so here are 45 instructions for life...
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry",look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at any one's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,"Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth...and yourself.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Of course my two favourite is the last one and number nine... typical for a Gemini I hear...
"The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously." Henry Kissinger (1923 - )
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Mother of mine
Mom, on this day I miss you, you would have liked the new bike, you would have loved to meet KatieB, you would be proud of M being the fitness coach of the lady Free State Cheetahs and so impressed with what L has done so far, traveling all on her own to the States and back... you would have thought my crazy schemes and dreams are achievable... you never said "never". You were an inspiration to me and today on your birthday I miss you once again. So here is my tribute to you;
MOTHER OF MINE - Donny Osmond
Mother of mine you gave to me,
all of my life to do as I please,
I owe everything I have to you,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
Mother of mine when I was young
you showed me the right way things had to be done,
without your arms where would I be,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
CHORUS
Mother you gave me happiness,
much more than words can say,
I thank the Lord let me breath with you,
every night and every day.
Mother of mine now I am grown
and I can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
REPEAT CHORUS
Mother of mine now I am grown
and I can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
This quote sums up my mom's view that life is for living... she always encouraged us kids to be adventurers and try everything... within limits of course... maybe that is why she turned grey at a young age... I remember her face when we called out to her to come and watch us jump from the garage roof into the dam... that gap always seemed like the Grand Canyon... or when me and Pat were both in plaster from bike crashes and middle boet Howard seemed to take forever to come back from that "test ride". He came back, minus bike... the car he had hit was almost split in two... he had a few roasties and could describe his crash in detail as he arced over the little Opel just to land amongst the waiting bus passengers on the pavement... she hid the tears of relief. We love you mom. You did sterling work... even if I say so myself.
"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children." Elain Heffner, O Magazine, May 2003
MOTHER OF MINE - Donny Osmond
Mother of mine you gave to me,
all of my life to do as I please,
I owe everything I have to you,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
Mother of mine when I was young
you showed me the right way things had to be done,
without your arms where would I be,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
CHORUS
Mother you gave me happiness,
much more than words can say,
I thank the Lord let me breath with you,
every night and every day.
Mother of mine now I am grown
and I can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
REPEAT CHORUS
Mother of mine now I am grown
and I can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
Mother sweet Mother of mine.
This quote sums up my mom's view that life is for living... she always encouraged us kids to be adventurers and try everything... within limits of course... maybe that is why she turned grey at a young age... I remember her face when we called out to her to come and watch us jump from the garage roof into the dam... that gap always seemed like the Grand Canyon... or when me and Pat were both in plaster from bike crashes and middle boet Howard seemed to take forever to come back from that "test ride". He came back, minus bike... the car he had hit was almost split in two... he had a few roasties and could describe his crash in detail as he arced over the little Opel just to land amongst the waiting bus passengers on the pavement... she hid the tears of relief. We love you mom. You did sterling work... even if I say so myself.
"The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children." Elain Heffner, O Magazine, May 2003
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Corrosive Transformer
This weekend I have been in in a Blue Funk. I know I have to get a few things done but am in this horrid mood, not very good company and I seem to be as emotional as a teen. I wondered why and thought I may just read my horoscope to see if I could get cheered up somewhat, I mean they usually are so vague and positive I may even feel better so I went to a site and got this back after filling in my profile.
Saturday - Maximum restraint
During this time you are touchy and unsure of yourself, and so you are easily hurt or insulted, or you tend to be hurtful yourself - there may be triggers for these situations but in reality no obvious cause. Maximum restraint is called for in interpersonal interactions. You should really treat everyone with kid gloves to avoid doing harm to your relationships or to yourself. If you are already in dispute with someone, you should try to avoid this person at this time. Whatever it is about, an argument or difference of opinion that you want to settle or continue during this time, it would only lead mutual hurt.
Maybe that is why I decided to stay at the Karting all day... the one person there that I have a slight disagreement with about the Moon Hoax and other Conspiracy Theories before tried once again to convince me... I sensed a need to run away or punch him in the face... I only phoned M to find out what his plans were for the day... Felt that the less people I talked to the better. On the way home I picked up some salad things as I wanted to cook some boerewors and chips with salad. I was pleasantly surprised that L had made some Macaroni and Cheese with mince... no need for cooking so we had a decent meal and after watching TV we went to bed...
Sunday - Your negative side
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day you are inclined to keep your feelings and innermost thoughts to yourself. A sense of loneliness or isolation frequently accompanies this period of time, or depression and a general sense of pessimism. Domestic problems may also accompany this influence, usually because you feel that in some way your domestic life is not giving you what it should. This is part of a larger feeling that you are not getting support or assistance from anyone or anything, which may or may not be true. Your real problem is either that you are cut off from your emotions or that your emotions are too unpleasant to deal with. This influence may force you to briefly experience what you consider to be your negative side. Thus there is a strong conflict between what you think of yourself and what you think you should be.
Yeowch! This is scary... That is spot on, this morning I had woken up really feeling funky, I had these weird dreams and I think I actually cried in my sleep, my pillow was damp! My feelings are not A1 at present, in fact they are rather a deep shade of purple tinged with magenta. The reason being I dreamed that I had lost a friend and it really upset me because at present this friend is precious to me, however if we were to have met over the weekend I think my corrosive mood would have dissolved it like a pearl in vinegar... that cannot be allowed to happen.
So all this has made the muse in me put these words down to try and make sense of my feelings.
Lost without you - Robert Le Noury
Hot salty tears flow down my face
Thinking about you
To be lost without you would be unbearable
Thinking about you
You said you are not ready for more
You want my friendship
That is a given, it is unquestioned
But thinking of you
Hot salty tears flow down my face
Thinking about you
To be lost without you would be unbearable
Back from the mall... L wanted to go to the movies so just before lunch we went to the mall, bought tickets to see Transformers, had lunch at Catch22. The trout was delicious but the service was lacklustre, do not think I will be there again. (See the foul mood thing again?)
Transformers was awesome... the TV trailer does not do it justice, I was blown away by the CGI animation of the robots. At least that made me feel somewhat better. The Simpsons trailer had us laughing too, I just hope those were not all the gags... The Arnie character's line "I vos voted in to lead, not read" is classic.
Got to see a beautifull sunset as well, went to the track and moved the caravan just before sunset, the Cirrus clouds turned orange then pink as the sun set. Wish I had grabbed the camera!
So all in all I am feeling much better, Monday may just be a good day after all.
"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy". J. D. Salinger (1919 - )
Saturday - Maximum restraint
During this time you are touchy and unsure of yourself, and so you are easily hurt or insulted, or you tend to be hurtful yourself - there may be triggers for these situations but in reality no obvious cause. Maximum restraint is called for in interpersonal interactions. You should really treat everyone with kid gloves to avoid doing harm to your relationships or to yourself. If you are already in dispute with someone, you should try to avoid this person at this time. Whatever it is about, an argument or difference of opinion that you want to settle or continue during this time, it would only lead mutual hurt.
Maybe that is why I decided to stay at the Karting all day... the one person there that I have a slight disagreement with about the Moon Hoax and other Conspiracy Theories before tried once again to convince me... I sensed a need to run away or punch him in the face... I only phoned M to find out what his plans were for the day... Felt that the less people I talked to the better. On the way home I picked up some salad things as I wanted to cook some boerewors and chips with salad. I was pleasantly surprised that L had made some Macaroni and Cheese with mince... no need for cooking so we had a decent meal and after watching TV we went to bed...Sunday - Your negative side
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day you are inclined to keep your feelings and innermost thoughts to yourself. A sense of loneliness or isolation frequently accompanies this period of time, or depression and a general sense of pessimism. Domestic problems may also accompany this influence, usually because you feel that in some way your domestic life is not giving you what it should. This is part of a larger feeling that you are not getting support or assistance from anyone or anything, which may or may not be true. Your real problem is either that you are cut off from your emotions or that your emotions are too unpleasant to deal with. This influence may force you to briefly experience what you consider to be your negative side. Thus there is a strong conflict between what you think of yourself and what you think you should be.
Yeowch! This is scary... That is spot on, this morning I had woken up really feeling funky, I had these weird dreams and I think I actually cried in my sleep, my pillow was damp! My feelings are not A1 at present, in fact they are rather a deep shade of purple tinged with magenta. The reason being I dreamed that I had lost a friend and it really upset me because at present this friend is precious to me, however if we were to have met over the weekend I think my corrosive mood would have dissolved it like a pearl in vinegar... that cannot be allowed to happen.
So all this has made the muse in me put these words down to try and make sense of my feelings.
Lost without you - Robert Le Noury
Hot salty tears flow down my face
Thinking about you
To be lost without you would be unbearable
Thinking about you
You said you are not ready for more
You want my friendship
That is a given, it is unquestioned
But thinking of you
Hot salty tears flow down my face
Thinking about you
To be lost without you would be unbearable
Back from the mall... L wanted to go to the movies so just before lunch we went to the mall, bought tickets to see Transformers, had lunch at Catch22. The trout was delicious but the service was lacklustre, do not think I will be there again. (See the foul mood thing again?)
Transformers was awesome... the TV trailer does not do it justice, I was blown away by the CGI animation of the robots. At least that made me feel somewhat better. The Simpsons trailer had us laughing too, I just hope those were not all the gags... The Arnie character's line "I vos voted in to lead, not read" is classic.
Got to see a beautifull sunset as well, went to the track and moved the caravan just before sunset, the Cirrus clouds turned orange then pink as the sun set. Wish I had grabbed the camera!
So all in all I am feeling much better, Monday may just be a good day after all.
"I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy". J. D. Salinger (1919 - )
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