Unfaithfull? Me?

Recognising a flaw in one's Psyche is painfull... and enlightening as well as unfettering... today was one of those Lightbulb moments. Sometimes being unfaithfull is not what you think it is... yet being uninvolved or detached sounds so much less hurtfull however I realise now it is the same as being unfaithfull... so how do you fix it? When I listened to Rhianna's song Unfaithfull it was explained to me thus... words reworked to suit.

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
cause it seems that wrong
really loves my company

She's more than a girl
and ther is more than love
the reason that the sky is blue
the clouds are rolling in
because I'm gone again
and to her I just can't be true

and I know that she knows I'm unfaithful
and it kills her inside
to know that I am happy with some other gal
I can see her dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see her die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt her anymore
I don't wanna take away her life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer

I feel it in the air
as I'm doing my hair
preparing for another day
A kiss up on my cheek
she's here reluctantly
as if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the guys
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
where I'm about to go
and we know it very well

cause I know that she knows I'm unfaithful
and it kills her inside
to know that I am happy with some other gal
I can see her dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see her die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt her anymore
I don't wanna take away her life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer

Her trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to her head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore (anymore)

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see her die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt her anymore
I don't wanna take away her life
I don't wanna be...
a murderer (a murderer)

No no no no

Yeah yeah yeah
So yeah... now to start the fixing... you see... sometimes Music is better thann therapy! What with Blogging and listening to music things become clearer every day... I still feel like a dog though...

"This is pretty much what journals are all about, at least to me. I knew as I wrote them that even though they provided an excellent place for brain (and heart, and psyche) dump, they were mainly a map of me." Colleen Wainwright, communicatrix, 03-23-2006